Do You Have to Love Someone to be Considerate?

Do you have to like or love someone to be considerate, kind and courteous? The answer to that question is simply – No.

You can be respectful without agreeing with, or even liking another person. One reason this is such a vital life skill for our children, is for the rest of their lives they will need to interact with, work with and deal with people they may feel are unpleasant.

At a young age we begin to establish our own boundaries. These boundaries we have established may not be the same as the boundaries of others. We may find the behavior of others unacceptable or unpleasant, but we need to realize we all have free will to make choices regarding what we feel is right or wrong. We all have choices to make every day.

Everyone Has Something to Share

How do you work productively in a relationship where there is an imbalance of power? You use boundaries and act in an assertive (not aggressive or passive) way, which gives each person the right to their own thoughts and feelings.

A Common Element in Successful People

Several years ago there was a study done of 100 self-made millionaires. These millionaires ranged in age from 19 years of age to well over 70 years old. This diverse group of individuals had educational experience extending from grade school level to Ph.D. They differed in almost all characteristics, except for one thing – they were all respectful of other people.

These millionaires determined early in their careers that everyone had something to teach and share. They built respectful relationships by learning from others, and having others learn from them.

Look for the Humanity in Others

We often treat others like we see them. If we see them as arrogant, snooty or even shy, we tend to treat them in that manner. If we acknowledge others as more fragile we tend to be less harsh, more kind and more forgiving.

Here are some questions for you to ponder:

1. Do you believe that all people deserve respect, no matter who or what they are?
2. Do you treat people who are different from yourself in a less than friendly way?
3. Are you intimidated by those who have more education, wealth or experience than you?
4. Are you afraid of those who look different than you? For example; in their clothing, race or body piercing?
5. Do you agree that most people just want to be acknowledged as a human being trying to get through the day?

(c) Judy H. Wright

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Tags: Life Balance, Life Success, Respect

You might think that you know yourself very well and maybe you do, but how do you use that information or do you even pay attention to it? I mostly find when working with clients that they try to force themselves to do things with the result that they are not making the most of their energy and they feel drained most of the time and don’t accomplish as much as they want to or think they should.

I have found that when you understand yourself and what works well for you, and what doesn’t and you use your energy in the right way for YOU, not only do you feel more energized, you accomplish more. It becomes more effortless and you enjoy life more. So rather than continuing to struggle and force the issue, just go with your own natural energy flows and let life be easier (and more enjoyable).

Here are a few ways to tap in to your natural energy flow:

When is your energy highest and lowest?
Are you a morning person or a late night person? Understanding when your energy is highest and when it’s low and working with it rather than against makes life so much easier. Use your natural energy rhythms wisely making the most of your times of high energy. So, for example, if your energy is highest in the morning, that should be the time when you do tasks that require the most energy or mental focus. If your energy is lower in the afternoon, perhaps that’s when you make calls or do administrative tasks.

If you experience a real energy dip at a certain time of the day, see if you can schedule your day so that you do something to relax and renew at that time. For example, I know that my energy is good starting at around 8am, through until about noon. During that time I can schedule meetings, use the time to write or do creative tasks. Around 1pm or 2pm my energy dips considerably. I will usually take time to meditate during that part of the day. After that, I’m usually ready to make calls, do tele-seminars, etc., afternoons and evenings are a good time for me to connect with people.

You may, like me, wake up early but need time for your energy to gradually build – in which case early morning meetings are not for you. When you go with the natural flows of your energy and use them in this way life is so much easier and less stressful. Stop forcing yourself to do things when you don’t have the energy for them. It’s too stressful.

What are your gifts, skills, talents?
Knowing what you’re good at and focusing on those things energizes you. When you try to do things that are not your natural strengths, you won’t enjoy them, you’ll struggle and drain your energy very quickly. For example, if you have your own business and you hate doing the books – hire a bookkeeper. Don’t try to do it yourself in an attempt to save money – the time and energy you waste will not be worth it. Get help with those things that are not your natural gifts, skills and talents rather than forcing yourself to do them.

What are you passionate about?
Often this is something that people have lost touch with. You must identify what you’re passionate about in life, what really excites you and do it. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to work in a business, job or field that you’re passionate about. But even if you are not able to do that, you can still incorporate your passion outside of your working life. Perhaps your passion is music, but you don’t feel you can make a living as a musician – well then your ‘day job’ may be a means of funding your passion for music, so that you do it outside of work.

How do you take care of yourself?
You have to take care of yourself: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. That means doing things that are good for you, things that you enjoy. That can include everything from making sure you eat the right foods, and that you’re active, to taking time to relax and pamper yourself. Do things for fun, make time for friends and social activities. For example, even if you love working on the computer, you don’t want to do that all the time, you need to do other things.

Do you pay attention to your body and what it’s telling you?
Your body is giving you messages and signals all the time. Do you pay attention to it or do you ignore the messages? If you get frequent headaches, it’s a sign that something is wrong. Just taking painkillers and carrying on with your day will not get rid of the problem. It will simply push it away until it manifests in a different way. If you feel uncomfortable about something or anxious, your body is telling you something. If you stop and tune into the feeling, you can understand what it is telling you – perhaps that you need to avoid a certain person or situaiton or that you need to work on some limiting beliefs or fears that are holding you back.

How is your environment affecting you?
This is something that is often ignored, but your environment has a major impact on you and how you feel – even on how successful you are. How do you feel when you walk into your office? Does it inspire you? Do you feel creative, successful and focused in your office? Does it look and feel like the office of someone who is successful and does it represent what you do? Or is it cluttered and overwhelming, not representing who you are and what you do well at all?

The same applies to your home. If that feels cluttered and overwhelming or you are surrounded by things that you don’t love or that don’t represent who you are. It will drain your energy and, more than that, will energetically stop you from moving forward. Pay attention to your environment, making sure the energy there feels good and represents you.

It’s so easy to get caught up in what needs to be done or what you should be doing, that you often push past the fact that you’re tired or that what you’re doing doesn’t feel so good. Then you wonder why you feel stressed, why you don’t have the energy that you used to have or why things aren’t going the way you’d like them to. I have learned that when you pay attention to your energy and go with your natural energy flow, rather than against it, things just start to fall into place naturally – and you feel much better. Why would you want to do it any other way?

Tags: Life Balance, Life energy, Life force energy

I work with many women in my coaching practice and it’s interesting to note that whenever I start working with someone and ask them what their goals are and why they want to accomplish those goals, it’s nearly always “so I can help more people.”

Helping each other is a wonderful thing and I think it’s what we’re put on this earth to do. However, I don’t believe that we’re meant to do it at the expense of ourselves. What I usually point out to my clients as they very passionately tell me about their goals and dreams and their reasons for wanting them, is that they are making it all about everyone else and never about themselves.

The problem with that is that it depletes you. When you are constantly focused on everyone else, to the exclusion of yourself there is an energetic ‘disconnect.’ How can you take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first?

Many women are struggling today – and that’s not to say that men aren’t, but it’s usually in a different way. The women I have the privilege of working with are incredibly talented, creative, smart and capable, and yet they are struggling to achieve their goals and dreams, and they are understandably frustrated.

It seems that often when women have a goal of making a certain amount of money, they feel as though it is not good to want it for themselves. It’s as if wanting money for themselves is wrong. They often tell me “it’s not about the money” or “I don’t really care about the money” and it’s all about helping others. Ladies, it’s okay to want money. Money is simply another form of energy and it’s something we all need. There is nothing wrong with wanting money, unless you plan to do something bad with it. Money in and of itself is not bad or evil.

I think this comes from our conditioning. Somehow, we’re not supposed to want anything for ourselves, we’re supposed to serve everyone else. But think how much more you can serve others and how much more you can do for others when you are taken care of. When you have enough money that you can do whatever you want, you have the freedom to be able to help others, but you’re doing it now because you are taken care of and you choose to help others, not to help others at the expense of yourself.

Do you see the difference? I hope so. Because now, when you look at the goals that you have for yourself and your career or business, I want you to put yourself at the top of that list. What do you want for yourself first and foremost? It’s not selfish to put yourself first – in fact I think it’s more selfish not to, because if you don’t then you really are depriving others of everything that you have to offer, because you cannot give when you’re experiencing lack yourself.

So  change that thinking and start putting yourself first – then see how many more people you can help, and you’ll feel good about it because you’re taking care of yourself first.

Tags: energetic edge, Life Balance, Life energy

Are You Afraid and Frustrated?

If you are having difficulty turning problems into opportunities, you may be discouraged. You may have a need to build your self esteem in order to overcome fear, doubts and frustrations that are impacting the life you deserve to live. Having courage does not mean that you are free of fear, despair, doubt, frustration or discouragement. It does mean that we are able to meet life’s challenges and move forward.

Courage is Movement Forward

Any time we take action and move toward a goal, we set a process in place that will overcome negative thoughts and experiences. The Universe rewards those who know what they want and take immediate action. Sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is to say; “This is a negative place in my life and I want to change my direction and not remain stuck here.” Making a decision to overcome fear or to just walk through the doubt is frequently the catapult to success in many areas of life

Encourage Yourself To Take First Step

By making a decision to overcome what may seem overwhelming, you will be moving forward as opposed to stagnation and paralysis. Many people are stuck in miserable situations because they are waiting for someone or something outside of themselves to decide what to do or to save them from their misery. The courage to turn a problem into a challenge is best met internally. Others may be vested in keeping you stuck. If you change and move forward, it may disrupt their safety net. It is not their problem, it is yours.

You may be looking at problems in a restricted and narrow framework. You may be basing your fear and doubt on old beliefs that no longer serve you. You may be replaying old family tapes in your head that keep you from stepping out into the future with courage and daring.Get unstuck in life by making a decision to move forward

Peel Away Old Belief Systems

By getting to the root cause of our fears and doubts we can examine them in the light and reframe them for the future. This will enable us to function in a more satisfying and rewarding manner. We become what we are through our decisions, all of which require courage.

Lack of courage is often expressed in the decision not to make a decision.

Questions To Assist You In Overcoming Fear, Doubt and Frustration

How do you encourage yourself when you are afraid?
Do you recognize that you and you alone own the problem?
Do you have old family beliefs that are holding you back?
Are you sometimes suffer from paralysis of perfection?
What decision will you make today that will move you forward from a stuck place?

You are invited to claim a free e-course on overcoming shyness and building self esteem and courage at http://www.ConfidenceClues.com You will be so glad you did. Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members,coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.

Judy H. Wright http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Tags: Courage, Doubt, Fear, frustration, Life Balance, Stress

Most of my clients are professional women or business owners. They are very good at what they do and they have achieved a certain level of success. Yet they are not happy. They are searching for a greater sense of balance. Most of the time if they are successful at work they feel guilty because they are not able to spend as much time with their spouse, children, family or friends as they would like. Or, if they do spend time at home, they feel guilty because they are neglecting something at the office or in their business.

Tags: Life Balance, Life energy, Life force energy

Clean, Open, Organized Space

Conscious Breathing

Tags: Feng Shui, Feng Shui Home, Feng Shui Life, Life Balance, Life force energy

Attention women entrepreneurs, business owners and professionals:

• Do you feel exhausted from the day-to-day grind?
• Do you ever feel stuck and frustrated with parts of your life?
• Do you find yourself working harder, yet not accomplishing your goals?
• Do you ever feel dissatisfied or empty with the direction of your life?

Join me for an interactive and informative tele-seminar/webcast where we’ll examine the energy in both your inner and outer environments. You’ll learn the importance of being clear about the things that energize you and what drains you. If you want to accomplish something new, you cannot do it with old, tired energy.

When you’re aware of just how your energy is being used and how different things in your environment affect you, then you focus more on doing the things that energize you. This makes your life a lot easier – and you become much happier. You achieve more success in your business and career with less effort and experience more peace, calm and balance in your life.

On this tele-seminar/webcast, you’ll learn:

• What drains your energy the most
• What energizes you
• How your personal story affects your success and happiness
• How your home may support or sabotage your efforts

When you have the Energetic Edge in your environment, you cannot help but become more successful in all areas of your life.

Date: Tuesday, August 3rd
Time: 1pm Pacific; 2pm Mountain; 3pm Central; 4pm Eastern (9pm U.K.)
Attend: by phone or webcast

Here is the link to attend (you’ll find the phone number here as well if you want to call in by phone):

http://AttendThisEvent.com/?eventid=14126898

Presented by Linda Binns, The Energetic Edge Expert

Tags: Feng Shui, Feng Shui Business, Feng Shui Home, Life Balance, Life energy

Since I work with clients to balance their energy (both inner and outer), I talk to them a lot about what drains them and what energizes them. Just out of interest I started to create a list for myself of things that drain our energy and things that energize us.

Tags: energy in environment, Feng Shui Home, Feng Shui Life, Feng Shui Success, Life force energy

On one of my coaching calls this week we addressed an issue that many people are struggling with right now, so I thought that I would write about it. Thank you Judy for being willing to talk about the challenge you’re having because it’s opened up a way to help more people with the same issue.

Although the issue relates to time management and getting things done, it actually is about more than that. To me it’s about how you’re using your energy. What’s draining you, what’s energizing you and how does that help you to accomplish the things you want to accomplish (or not)?

There are very few people these days who would say that they don’t have a lot to do. You have certain tasks that you want to complete each day, and that would certainly keep you busy enough, but add to that the many other interruptions that present themselves during the day, things like:

• A client or customer calls and needs urgent attention
• Interruptions from co-workers/colleagues who want to ask you something, or just want to chat
• Meetings
• Phone calls from family or friends
• e-mails – do you have your e-mail software open all the time?

These are just some of the things that can stop us doing what we set out to do. And before you know it, the end of the day has arrived and you’re frantically playing catch-up.

You’ve probably tried to implement various systems and time-management methods to manage your time better, but they may have left you feeling even more overwhelmed as you try to learn and implement a new system that just feels like more work. That has certainly been true for me.

I think the answer lies in two fairly simple approaches:

Be aware of your energy patterns:
Become familiar with your energy cycles and when you feel like you are most productive. For example, if your energy is higher in the morning and that’s when you feel most productive, that may be the time that it’s best for you to do your creative work – writing, putting proposals together, working with numbers, etc. If your energy is a little lower in the afternoon, that may be the time when you sit back and make phone calls, and make time for your clients.

Recognizing your daily energy patterns is important because it helps you to really make the most of your day. You’ll find if you try this approach that you will actually accomplish so much more because you’re not fighting to do something creative that needs lots of energy during a time of the day when your energy is at its lowest.

Set boundaries on interruptions
E-mail is an interruption – particularly if you leave it on all the time and find yourself checking it frequently. It’s much better (and more productive) to schedule specific times during the day to check and respond to e-mails. Once in the morning, once in the afternoon and once in the evening before you leave, for example. I do know that this can be difficult to implement and we think that people will get upset when we don’t respond to their e-mails right away. But really people don’t get that upset – particularly if you tell them that you are implementing a new system to help you be more efficient and that system requires you to check and respond to e-mails just twice or three times each day. They will get used to it. If they need you urgently, they can pick up the phone.

Phone calls – let people know that you return calls between certain times of the day. Let them leave a message with what it is they need so you can be prepared when you get back to them. If it’s urgent, then perhaps you give them your cell phone number. But if they start to call you when it’s not urgent, you’ll have to set a boundary and tell them you can’t deal with it until the set time you have for returning calls.

Friends/Family/Colleague interruptions – you don’t want to cut yourself off completely and never have time for a chat, but you don’t want to do it if it’s making you feel stressed because you’re not getting things done. Again, you can set aside times for this and let people know when you’re available.

These are just some of the ways that you can start to take control of your time and your energy. Don’t try to implement them all at once though. Try implementing just one at a time and when you feel comfortable with that, then you can move on to the next one. So, for example, you could start with the e-mail and not move on to anything else until that’s working for you.

Re-claim your energy now. Try these techniques and they really can give you your energy back and help you feel more energized, productive and satisfied at the end of the day.

Tags: Life Balance, Life energy, time management

Love is one of the most talked about, sung about, written about and sought after aspects of life.  And yet very few of us experience the joy and excitement we’d like and that is possible in relationship.  Why is that?

Could it be that we never really learned how to go about loving another in a way that honors and appreciates the differences between women and men so they actually enhance the dating, relationship, intimacy and fun?  Is it that simple?

Yes.  It’s that simple.

We are sent to school to learn all sorts of things to help us succeed in life:  writing, arithmetic, science, history, physical education, etc.

For relationships, though, we rely solely on our home experience, what we witness one or both of our parents doing with others as they date and or live in their relationships and marriages.  What did you learn?  What was demonstrated to you?  Importantly, what are you living today?

Women and men are fundamentally different.  We are not broken versions of one another.  We are different.  To be fair, when we were young we displayed those differences and we even implicitly knew them.  Think back on what you played as a child.  When asked men typically list out a variety of sports (football, basketball, baseball) along with things like cops & robber or bicycle racing.  Women also mention competitive sports (softball, volleyball, basketball) along with dolls, stuffed animals and house.

Here’s what we know:  boys play competition while girls play relationship.  And therein lies one of the root differences that plays out again and again in our relationships with one another.  Think about it.  Boys always keep score, even if they are only keeping track of who can spit the farthest or hit the sign post the most times with a rock.  It matters who wins.  They want to win, even if it means beating their best friend.  And, there’s nothing personal about it.  After the game, win or lose, they are all friends. (Women, ask a trusted man about this.)

Girls keep score when they play sports too, and they want to win. However, they also care about whom they are playing with and how those dynamics are going.  They want to win and have a great experience with their teammates.  And it is personal. Their games of house or dolls or stuffed animals (or even sports) invariably are all about how the different characters involved relate to one another.They play relationships with so many nuances that it boggles the male mind.

Believe it or not, this is all very good news for women and men seeking a relationship or in relationship. These differences and many more, can actually enhance your experience of each other and your appreciation of one another—when understood.  Most often, though, they tend to confuse us, at best, and frustrate each person, at worst.

We can help.  There are only a few things to know and live and we cover them all in our 4-week teleseminar Getting the Love You Want & Deserve.  You’ll learn about love language differences, the best of men and how to elicit it, the complexity of women and how to navigate it plus how to have your physical environment support the relationship you are seeking or already have.  We are about going forward with energy & delight, not about what’s gone wrong.  Join us for one or all the sessions, beginning Thursday, July 15 via phone and/or web.  Detailed course descriptors at: Getting the Love You Want and Deserve

by Carolyn Casey,  Relationship and Gender Expert

Tags: Love, Marriage, Relationships