For those who could not attend our last tele-seminar – the first in a series on relationships based on my book – here is a short summary of what we discussed.
Most people experience challenging relationships from time to time. Some more than others and for some, they may be facing challenges in a relationship on a daily basis with a boss or co-worker, or even a spouse or family member. When this happens, it tends to leave you feeling frustrated, angry, resentful or just upset. You wonder why this person treats you this way. You wonder what you’ve done and how you can change it. But the more you try to change them or the way they treat you, the worse it gets.
Instead of trying to change it, you can use this experience as a valuable opportunity to learn something about yourself. When you start to look at these challenging relationships in terms of what they are mirroring back to you, instead of how badly they make you feel, you can gain some valuable insights into your own thoughts, beliefs and behaviors.
So when someone does something that you don’t like that triggers a response or reaction in you, stop and think about how you feel. What is the emotion that you’re feeling? What is it that you don’t like about the behavior or what has it triggered in you? Let’s say that someone’s behavior causes you to think of them as untrustworthy. The reaction that they trigger in you when they do or say something makes you immediately feel that you don’t trust them. Now turn that around and look at yourself. Where in your life are you not trusting yourself?
Sometimes people come into our lives to help us develop certain skills or remove limiting beliefs. For example, if you have low self-esteem you may find that you attract people into your life who are bullies. Their behavior towards you may be very aggressive or controlling. Again, instead of focusing on their behavior, focus on how it makes you feel. If you have low self-esteem then you’ll have a deep seated belief that you’re not good enough. This means that you won’t treat yourself very well – and you will attract people who also do not treat you very well.
You will stop attracting these people to you when you develop your self-esteem, start believing and feeling that you are good enough exactly as you are and start treating yourself with love and respect. When you treat yourself in this way, you will also attract people who treat you this way. It’s true that we really do teach people how to treat us. If you don’t love, honor and respect yourself and treat yourself well, how can you expect others to?
In Feng Shui your environment gives many clues as to how well you treat yourself and what you feel you deserve. One of the best areas to look for clues is your bedroom. I’m sure you have heard me talk before about the importance of your bedroom – that it’s the room that is closest to you and has the biggest impact on you. How you feel about your bedroom gives you a big clue about how well you are treating yourself and what you feel deserve.
If your bedroom is cluttered, you have things stored under the bed, you don’t like your bedroom furniture, the colors or artwork in the room, then there is probably a lot about your life that you are not happy with. If the room is very neutral and doesn’t truly reflect you and your personality, then you probably are not doing what you want to be doing in life, and you may not even know what that is.
Your bedroom should be your personal sanctuary. You should absolutely love it. You should love everything in it. That is an easy way of saying I deserve the best, I deserve to have a bedroom that reflects who I am and that nurtures and supports me. When your bedroom supports you in this way, life will support you as well.
I often visit homes where it’s easy to tell what the husband and children love to do – you can see what sports they love, what hobbies they have, yet there may be no signs of the wife’s passions and interests visible at all. This is usually because she is so focused on doing everything for everybody else that she sacrifices her sense of self. She puts herself and her life on hold for everybody else and may not even really know any more exactly who she is and what her passions are.
This is how your home can give you clues about how you feel about and treat yourself. When you make changes by creating a bedroom that you love and by making sure that your home reflects you and who you are, as well as other members of the family, it will alter not only the energy in your home, but it will help you to make the shift so that you start feeling better about yourself and treating yourself with greater respect and love. That will have a positive effect not only on your relationships but on all areas of your life. You will enjoy life much more and it will flow much more easily.
If you want to improve any of your relationships, first look at yourself. Use your relationships as a mirror and use your home as a mirror to reflect back to you just what you think about yourself. When you first change how you treat yourself, everything else will change – for the better.
Linda Binns
The Feng Shui Success Strategist
Feng Shui Success MasterMind Members can listen to a recording of the relationships tele-seminar on the membership site. Not a member yet? Join now at www.FengShuiSuccess.com.
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