Life Balance Anyone?

Most of my clients are professional women or business owners. They are very good at what they do and they have achieved a certain level of success. Yet they are not happy. They are searching for a greater sense of balance. Most of the time if they are successful at work they feel guilty because they are not able to spend as much time with their spouse, children, family or friends as they would like. Or, if they do spend time at home, they feel guilty because they are neglecting something at the office or in their business.

These women enjoy what they do, yet they are in a position where they’re not really enjoying life, and they feel bad about that. They are longing for a sense of peace and life balance. But what exactly does that look like or feel like? It is definitely possible to achieve, but here’s the thing – when we start talking about what that looks like and feels like for them, they either have no idea (because really they don’t think it’s possible) or they think they know what it SHOULD be like, but can’t imagine it for themselves.

The truth is, it’s different for everyone. My idea of life balance – what makes me feel peaceful, calm and balanced, yet productive and fulfilled – may feel completely wrong to you and vice versa. There is no ‘ideal’ of how it should be – you spend X amount of time here and X amount of time there, etc.

I always ask clients how they will know when they have accomplished the goal of life balance. Very often that’s something they have never thought about and they don’t know the answer. If you constantly yearn and strive for something and yet you don’t know what it will look like or feel like when you have achieved it, then you will never achieve it – and you probably don’t believe that you can.

When I asked one woman this question recently, she told me what it would look like when she had achieved this ‘balance’ that she thought she should had and she suddenly had a revelation – “I’d be bored” she said. She would be bored with the version of life balance that she thought she should be striving for. So we have to re-define what life balance looks like for her.

I think for so many of us it’s what we ‘think’ it should be like. You know, as women these days we’re supposed to be successful in everything we do – successful career or business woman, perfect wife and mother, loyal, fun friend, doting daughter and sister. We’re also supposed to have a perfect and immaculate home, prepare healthy home-cooked meals, take care of our bodies by going to the spa and the gym, oh and we’re supposed to always be calm in a crisis, know exactly what to do all the time – and look gorgeous and well put together at all times – aren’t we? All I can say is if that’s what you’re striving for, you’ll be striving for the rest of your life. That is not reality.

For me, life balance comes down to this – feeling at peace with yourself. That’s it. It’s doing something you love, eliminating things from your life that don’t serve you and focusing only on those that do. Taking good care of yourself. Paying attention to how you feel, and allowing and honoring all feelings. It’s focusing on how you feel and not feeling responsible for everybody else. That’s life balance, and exactly what that looks like in your life situation is going to be different for everyone – it’s more about how you feel than anything else.

Unfortunately, many women are so focused on doing that they have no time to focus on how they feel – all they know is they don’t feel good and they don’t know what to do about it. They don’t know how to get out of the pattern that they’ve created.

If that describes you, know that there is always a way to change what’s happening for you now – I help people do that all the time, so I know it’s possible. The first step is to know that you can change it, and then it’s to think about what life balance really means – for you.