This doesn’t mean that you don’t take action – you need to take action. But my tendency, like many others I know, is to be thinking that I have to take action all the time. Because if it doesn’t happen right way, you have to keep going until you make it happen, right? Wrong.

The other mistake people tend to make is to think that if it doesn’t happen right away then it’s not going to happen, or it’s the wrong thing, or you’re doing something wrong. There’s a great tendency to over-think and over-analyze things. What I’ve been shown again and again, and was really highlighted for me this week both with my own experience, and that of one of my clients is that it’s so much simpler than that.

It seems that surrendering something, once you’ve set a goal or intention, can be one of the most difficult things to do. Knowing when to take action and what action to take, and then knowing when to let go and allow it to manifest can be challenging. We second-guess ourselves all the time.

I believe there are two main things we need to do:

1. Set your intention but let go of all attachment to exactly  how it happens or how it shows up. It’s good to be clear about what you want, and it’s good to have a plan of how you might accomplish it, but don’t be attached to those things. When you let go of the attachment, you actually open yourself up to the possibility that what comes could be even better than you thought it could be. When you let go of needing to know exactly how you’re going to accomplish it, you open yourself up to the possibility that it can come to you much more easily than you thought and with a lot less effort on your part.One of the things I often find with clients is that when they do this and they start to experience fantastic results they often start to feel guilty because it was so easy. There is this belief that’s been ingrained in us that everything has to be hard. You can only achieve success if you work really, really hard for it. If something comes easily it must be wrong. Well I don’t know about you, but I’ve done it the hard way for many years and that is a belief that I am very ready and willing to release.
2. Be very self-aware. It is only through self awareness that you will know when to take action and when to stop. It’s the only way to know if what you want is really in alignment with who you are and what is best for you in your life. You have to know yourself, understand yourself, know what energizes you and what drains you. You have to know what feels good and what feels like a struggle. You have to  know when your mind is trying to take over by analyzing everything to death. You have to know when your mind is trying to sabotage you or when others are trying to sabotage you. You have to understand your unique skills and talents, what things you love to do and what you find most challenging.

The more you practice these two things, the more you’ll find yourself manifesting what you want in your life with ease. Can you accept that it doesn’t have to be hard? Can you accept that you deserve to accomplish what you want more easily? Can you let go of the belief that everything has to be a struggle? If you’re ready to let go of those beliefs, then hold on to your hat, because you may just get what you ask for. So the real question then becomes – how good can you stand it?

I think this is true for just about everyone. It has certainly happened for me. In Gay Hendrick’s book, The Big Leap, he describes this as an Upper Limit Problem (ULP). And the thing that’s difficult for most people to understand or believe is that you’re actually the one who creates it. It’s an Upper Limit Problem because subconsciously you believe that you have reached your upper limit, you cannot go beyond where you are now.

That’s right. Whenever we experience a ULP it’s because we’ve created it. I know that’s hard to believe, because very often it seems to be something outside of ourselves that affects us, so it seems that it has everything to do with somebody else and we simply get drawn into it. But that’s not the case.

I think Gay Hendricks explains it beautifully in his book, which I highly recommend reading. You see, your beliefs, your programming and conditioning are so powerful that when you start to move beyond your comfort zone, they immediately create something to pull you back. It’s the part of you that says “you can’t be that happy;” “life’s not supposed to be that good;” “you’re not supposed to be that successful.” So something happens to reinforce the belief.

Upper Limit Problems can appear in all sorts of ways. Here are some of them from the book:

Worry – Gay says that worrying is usually a sign that you have a ULP because worry and anxiety are not helpful. When you worry, it’s about something that might happen, not something that’s real. Worry is only useful if it relates to something you can actually do something about right now so that it leads you to taking some positive action.

Next time you find yourself worrying about something, ask yourself what’s really going on. Allow yourself to really feel the anxiety and ask yourself what really wants to come through. What is the worry trying to pull you away from?

Criticism/Blame – when you are criticizing someone or something it’s usually to cover up something else that’s really going on. when you criticize or blame, you are blocking the flow of energy, so it stops you from moving forward. This also includes self-criticism and blame.

When you find yourself criticizing or blaming – yourself or someone else – once again stop, and ask yourself what’s really going on. What’s really bothering you? Why do you feel the urge to criticize or blame? What’s it stopping you from doing, feeling or thinking?

Arguments – there’s nothing that can bring you down and make you feel bad as quickly as an argument (and arguments can come from criticism and blame). Any type of conflict immediately blocks the flow of positive energy and you can find that it develops into something that lasts for a long time (such as when you find that you haven’t spoken with a particular family member for years, because of one simple argument).

In the book, Gay explains that for an argument to occur each person is trying to prove that they are the ‘victim’ in the conflict. The argument can only end when you realize that each person involved in a disagreement has 100% responsibility. He explains this in more detail by outlining the physics of arguments. If you are willing to step out of the role of victim in an argument and take 100% responsibility it is the only way to keep the positive energy flowing.

Accidents/Illnesses – have you ever worked really hard so you could enjoy some time off only to find that when you take that vacation and are relaxed and enjoying yourself you get sick? Or things are going really well, you’re feeling good and then someone rear-ends your car? How do you know if these are just things that happen or if they are Upper Limit Problems? One way is to think back to times when you have had illnesses or accidents and ask yourself if they came in the middle of or just after a period when things seemed to be going really well in your life and you felt really good.

There are other ways that we create Upper Limit Problems in our lives, but I hope this has given you some food for thought. The most important thing is to start becoming more aware, so that you recognize when an Upper Limit Problem arises and you recognize it for what it is. Once you do that, you have no need for it and you can move on to greater success and happiness.

What are some of the ways you create Upper Limit Problems in your life?

So why would someone think they want something that they don’t really want? There can be many reasons, such as:

Everybody else seems to want it, so they believe they must too. For example, when we were on a cruise recently, there seemed to be a tremendous buying frenzy around diamonds. The cruise line offered many presentations on the places to buy diamonds. They offered sales on jewelry on board the ship, and so on. Everywhere we went people were trying to sell us diamonds and the majority of people wanted them – we didn’t. The assumption is that every woman wants lots of diamonds. And that may be true for many women – it isn’t for me.

Family/friend pressure - if everybody you know thinks your life should be a certain way, you can end up believing them without really stopping to think about it.

People tell you this is what it takes to be successful. I know someone who has become a very successful business woman. She is now coaching other women to make lots of money in their businesses. One of the ways she markets herself and her success is to show off her beautiful closet filled with wonderful clothes and shoes, her house on the beach, here wonderful car. And that’s exactly what many women want. But it’s not what every business woman wants. You may think that thee are things you should want, that you should strive for, but they may not really fit your personality.

So how do you know whether what you want is really what you want? Here are a couple of ways that might help:

• Ask yourself why you want this particular thing or particular goal. What will it do for you? How will life be different when you have achieved it? How will you feel? This can often reveal a hidden disconnect with what you think you want.
• If you have been struggling to achieve this goal for some time, complete this sentence: “I’m afraid that when I accomplish … I will …” This can reveal hidden fears and anxieties around what you think you want.

If you have been striving for a goal for a while and it’ s just not happening for you, it may be time to re-visit the goal to find out if it really is what you want. Be honest with yourself and be open to whatever answers you may find. Most of all, understand that it’s really okay for you not to want the same as everyone else and it’s really okay if others can’t understand why you don’t. They don’t have to – it’s just important that you do!

Whenever I hear of situations like this, I’m amazed that the person who was trying to harm someone else didn’t stop for a second to really think about what she/he was doing. What I really want people to understand is that whatever you put out energetically comes back to you – multiplied. So when you wish harm on someone else, you are actually wishing harm on yourself.

It’s really the Law of Attraction in action. Except we usually think about the Law of Attraction in terms of attracting what we want into our lives, not what we don’t want. It’s not surprising really when you think about it. Everything is energy. Our thoughts are energy. We are putting out energy all the time – it’s the frequency of that energy that we put out that determines what comes back to us. So when you wish harm on someone else, and particularly when you take action to try to harm someone else, what you’re really sending out is the message that you want harmful things to happen to you.

Now you may not go to the extreme that this person did, of deliberately trying to cause harm to another person, but critical, harmful thoughts about others can crop up when you’re not even aware of it. Next time you find yourself being critical of someone, getting angry or frustrated at someone, or thinking anything bad about them at all, stop and ask yourself what’s really going on.

This occurred to me again the other day when I was driving somewhere and it seemed as though everyone else (not me of course!) was driving in a very unproductive way. People pulled in front of me and then drove really slowly, or made a decision to turn at the last minute without signaling, and so on. I found myself starting to get annoyed at these people for their stupid driving and then I stopped and thought about what was happening. I had to ask myself what I was upset about really, because after all, I knew that I had really attracted these people into my life at that point to trigger something.

If you allow others to trigger anger in you then there is something within you that is not at peace. You are really angry at yourself, and that’s what I had to examine that day. Once I turned the focus inward, I was able to see what it was about myself that I was upset with, and then I was able to let it go. Then, it didn’t matter how others drove.

So you see how important it is to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. When you’re upset with someone else, it’s really about you, not about them. If you then take action to harm that person, that’s what you’re saying you want for yourself. So be careful and just know that whatever you put out really does come back to you – multiplied.

I encourage you to read the article for yourself, but in the meantime, I’ll summarize it here.

When you find yourself obsessing about someone else – something they have said or done – and you can’t get it out of your head, what’s really happening is that they are mirroring something about you that needs your attention. The term psychologists use for this is perseverating. The problem is that as we are complaining about what the other person has said or done, we usually don’t recognize that we have the same kind of behavior – and that is what is being reflected back to us.

In the article, Martha outlines an exercise that she created that is perfect for helping you identify what’s really going on and make the changes that your subconscious mind is showing you are ready to be made.

Step One – think about a negative person. Someone who has been on your mind so much that you find yourself going over and over something they have said or done. Or you find yourself constantly thinking about them and what it is that you don’t like about them or their behavior.

Step Two – take a paper and pen and write a letter to them. You’re not actually going to send this letter, but write it as if you were. Start with Dear … and then write what you really think about them in your lowest moments. Write out all the things that you have perhaps been trying not to think, but the more you try not to think them, the more they are in your mind. Be brutally honest. Write every thought that comes up.

First of all I think this helpful because it gets everything out of your head. It gets all those thoughts and the emotions and feelings that go with them out of you and onto paper, which is a healing exercise in itself. But Step Three is where the real revelations come.

Step Three – when you have fully expressed your thoughts in your letter to this person and you feel you have it all down on paper, cross out their name at the top of the letter and write in your own. Now read the letter again, as if it’s written to you. Ouch!

Martha explains that it’s important not to try to defend yourself, but absorb it thoughtfully and without resistance. Having read the letter to yourself, you may recognize the ways in which you’ve been exhibiting the very traits you’ve been berating the other person for. If you really can’t see it in yourself, perhaps look for ways that you attract this behavior into your life by allowing others to treat you in a certain way. Or does it trigger memories from childhood of someone who had similar behaviors? Be open to seeing what it is that you need to see – what this person is mirroring for you. Because when you do see it, you’ll be ready to release it.

Step Four – choose someone about whom you have very positive thoughts. Someone you admire or are grateful to. It may be someone you know personally but it doesn’t have to be. Again, write a letter to this person, this time telling them all the things you like about them, appreciate about them, are grateful to them for. Let all your positive thoughts and feelings flow. Be as descriptive as you can.

Step Five – once again, change the name at the top of the letter to your own name. Read the letter, this time knowing that you are talking to yourself. You are telling yourself the things you appreciate about yourself. The things that this person is mirroring for you.

This is a very powerful exercise and I think it will really help you to understand more deeply the concept that the people we think about are truly mirrors of ourselves – both what we like and what we don’t like or want to change.

Be very open and honest as you do this exercise – and I highly recommend you read the entire article from Martha Beck int he April 2011 edition of ‘O’ The Oprah Magazine. Thank you Martha!

The trouble is, if you hear that often enough, particularly when you’re growing up and particularly from people who are closest to you, then you start to believe it. And their voices become your own, so in the end when a new thought or idea pops into your head you tell yourself that you can’t accomplish it.

You hear people say all the time that you really can accomplish anything that you set your mind or your heart on. Yet if you’ve had many people in your life telling you what you can’t do, then it’s hard to believe that it’s true that you can accomplish anything.

I remember several years ago having a conversation with my good friend, Karen. We both own our own businesses and we were talking about networking and the different professional women’s networking organizations that were out there. I was commenting on the fact that there were no organizations in our immediate area and that we had to travel some distance to networking meetings and events. Secretly, I was hoping that someone (perhaps even my friend) would start one. Instead, she told me that I should start one.

This was not what I had in mind because (I had taken on board very well all the comments I had heard over the years that told me what I couldn’t do) I knew I couldn’t do it. I was so sure I couldn’t do it that I couldn’t even entertain the possibility that I could. I didn’t know how to start one or to run one. I just wouldn’t know where to begin.

After that meeting though, the thought wouldn’t leave my head. A seed had been planted and all of a sudden I came to the realization that I could do it – because I didn’t have to do it all by myself. It was true, I didn’t know how to start or run such an organization, and if I tried to do it by myself I probably wouldn’t get very far. But what was true was that I knew a lot of women who did know how to do it.

So I pulled together a group of women to brainstorm the possibility and what it might look like. That group of women ended up becoming the founding board of the organization. At our first meeting we had about 200 people and we had 200 members within the first 5 months, which was pretty amazing.

What I know now is that you really can accomplish anything because you don’t have to do it all by yourself. You pull together the people who can help you – and then you really can accomplish anything.

The people who tell you that you can’t do something or who say “who do you think you are…” to do this or that are known as dream stealers. They steal your dreams either because they don’t have any of their own, or because they don’t believe in their own ability to have what they want, or sometimes because they don’t want you to become bigger than they think you should be. In their minds usually they are ‘protecting’ you from disappointment and failure. What they’re really doing is keeping you stuck and unhappy if you listen to them.

The hardest thing to overcome is when you’ve become your own dream stealer. When you’ve taken on those voices so they become your own and as soon as you think of something wonderful you’d like to do with your life, your ‘dream stealer voice’ will tell you that you cannot do it.

I once went on a week-long team building course with a company I worked for. One of the things we had to do was climbing and abseiling (rappelling) and it was one of the hardest things for me because I’m terrified of heights. On the last day the instructor asked me to climb blindfolded. This time I was not alone in thinking this was something I could not do – the whole team thought so and at first we thought the instructor was joking. But he wasn’t. He tied my scarf around my eyes and told me to climb. And I did. I made it to the top because my fellow team members told me exactly where to move my foot or my hand – they helped me get to the top (yes, that’s me climbing blindfolded in the picture). That was my first realization that you can accomplish what you think you can’t when you have the right team around you.

So identify who the dream stealers are in your life, and don’t share your ideas and dreams with them. Bring in people who will support you. Who will not only tell you that you can do it, but who will help you find the way to do it. Most of all, notice whenever your own dream stealer voice pipes up and choose to re-frame the thought from “I can’t do it” to “how can I do it?” I’ve accomplished many things this way, from authoring books to public speaking to appearing on radio and t.v. shows to starting and publishing a magazine, and many more. Surround yourself with friends coaches, mentors who not only believe you can do it, but who will help you do it.

I know it sounds a little difficult to believe. After all, we’ve always been told that you have to set a goal and then create a plan of exactly how you’re going to reach that goal, and then you work the plan – right? That’s something that has worked for decades, and yet many people are finding that’s just not working any more.

There are many reasons why you might not accomplish a goal that you have set for yourself:

• The timing may not be right - often we’re simply not ready to achieve what we want or we need to allow more time for other people/events/circumstances to be lined up for what we want to be able to happen. For example, let’s say your goal is to increase your income and you have a certain number in mind. Perhaps you first have to learn how to manage what you have and be very clear about your current financial picture before you can attract more.
• You may have set the goal too high – perhaps you need to accomplish smaller goals before you can reach the really big one. Or perhaps the goal is so big that you don’t really believe you can achieve it or you may even be afraid of achieving it. It’s true that people are often more afraid of success than failure – it could be that you think your life will change dramatically when you accomplish your goal and you may not be quite ready for that.
• You might be too attached to the outcome – we know that the Law of Attraction works. When you set an intention, put your energy and focus on that intention and do what you need to do to accomplish it, then you bring it into your life. But if you are too attached or needy it won’t work. It’s only when you can fully accept where you are now and not be so desperate for something to change (when you are desperate what you’re saying is you don’t really accept where you are now, as in “this can’t be happening to me!”) that things can really change.
• It may not be what you really want - I often find that people set a goal or intention because they think that’s what they should want, or because it’s what others want for them. If this is the case, then you are out of alignment with your true self. When you are out of alignment, you’ll feel as though nothing is working. You have to be fully self aware, know who you really are, and what your spirit really needs. Then you can set goals and intentions that are in complete alignment with that and they will manifest easily.

The truth is that when you let go of how you think something should unfold, how you think it should happen, what comes into your life is so much better than you could ever have imagined. Not only that but it comes much more easily and you feel so good too. We have been taught that we need to know exactly how things are going to happen. We have to be able to control all the outcomes. But the truth is that you can’t control all the outcomes, and I think there has been such a global energy shift that it’s becoming more and more difficult to ‘make’ things happen. Rather, you have to set your intention, let go of expectations and ‘allow’ things to unfold.

So where are you holding on to expectations? And where is that not working for you any more?

Just something to think about!

Of course, there’s no easy answer to this question. It all depends on what you want to change, what the situation is now, and how much you are in alignment with what you want. Sometimes it’s just a case of making one or two small changes and you will see results immediately. But most of the time the change is going to be slower and more subtle. Often you won’t even realize that things have actually changed significantly until you stop and look back at where you were before you started changing the energy.

There are several things that need to be in alignment for the change that you want to happen:

Beliefs – do you really, truly believe that you can achieve the change that you want? This can be a little bit tricky because mentally you may think you believe that you can achieve it and that you deserve it, but there can be very subtle beliefs that are buried so deeply you’re not even aware of them. These hidden beliefs are dangerous because they affect the way you think, they affect how you feel, and they affect what you do and the choices you make – without you being aware of them.

Thoughts – your beliefs create your thoughts. So if you want to change a particular, unhelpful belief (such as you have to work hard for money, or you don’t deserve to be loved) you can work on changing your thoughts, which will help you change the belief. Affirmations can work well for this, but you have to use affirmations in the right way. If you state an affirmation, such as “I am a millionaire” and you don’t believe it, then it won’t really help you.

Emotions – just as your beliefs create your thoughts, so your thoughts create your feelings. If you feel uncomfortable about something, angry or anxious about something, it’s because you have thoughts (and therefore beliefs) that are being triggered. Your emotions are a wonderful barometer for letting you know when something is not right. Rather than stifling your emotions or trying to change them if they don’t feel good, acknowledge them and see what they have to tell you. See if you can find what’s behind the emotion that’s being triggered. It’s often a sign that an unhelpful belief may be coming up for you to release.

Actions – even if you believe that you can and will achieve something, and you feel good about it, your actions can say something different. Let’s say you’re working on becoming more abundant – you believe you can achieve a certain financial goal and you feel good about it, yet perhaps when an opportunity, book or program comes up that can help you achieve your goal you don’t take advantage of it. Or perhaps you attend a workshop or call that has helpful information and you don’t take the opportunity to ask questions about your specific situation. Or perhaps every time a bill comes in you put it to one side because you’re afraid to look at it. These actions do not correspond with the abundance that you want, so they will sabotage your efforts.

Environment – is the energy in your environment in alignment with what you want? If you want to attract a new relationship into your life but your home screams ’single person lives here’ you will sabotage your efforts. If you want more abundance but your home is in disrepair or cluttered or just not cared for, you will sabotage your efforts. Your environment (both at home and where you work) can support you or sabotage you. It’s possible for your beliefs, thoughts, emotions and actions to be in alignment and yet the energy in your environment is not – and that is what stops you. Your environment is simply a reflection of you and what’s going on internally (your beliefs, thoughts, emotions and actions).

So how long will it take? How much in alignment are you? Often you might think you are in complete alignment, but something is off. How do you know that? Because reaching your goals becomes hard. When you are in complete alignment, your life flows much more easily. Synchronicities happen. The right people and resources show up when you need them. So if you want things to happen more quickly – pay attention to each of these areas and bring them into complete alignment. Then watch the magic happen!

Whenever you want to bring in something new, you must be ready to let go of something to make room for it. When you think about everything as energy, then it makes sense that in order to create something new in your life, you have to let go of old energy.

In Feng Shui we recognize this as we talk about clearing clutter or removing items that no longer have current value for you. The purpose in doing this is to remove old, negative energy that is keeping you stuck or tied to the past. This helps to make room for what you do want to come into your life.

But this doesn’t just apply to your home, or to your office environment. The same concept also applies to your personal environment – your thoughts, beliefs, actions, life situations, relationships. To be able to open up to new energies, you have to be able to let go of the old. To be able to manifest what you want, you need to let go of what no longer serves you. This is true in every area of life.

For example, if you want to lose weight, you will have to let go of something in order to have the new reality of a fit, healthy body:

• You may have to let go of hurts from the past that have caused you to gain weight now

• You may have to let go of beliefs that do not serve you – such as I’m not good enough or feeling that you need to be ‘invisible.’

• You may need to let go of old habits, such as eating unhealthy foods and not exercising.

• You may need to let go of people who are not supportive – who encourage you to eat what is not good for you and tell you that eating healthily and exercising are a waste of time.

• You may need to let go of feelings of guilt or shame and non-acceptance so that you can learn to accept yourself and love yourself enough to do what you need to do to have the body that you want.

If you want to attract a loving relationship:

• You may have to let go of hurts and disappointments from past relationships

• You may have to let go of limiting beliefs, such as I don’t deserve to be loved

• You may have to let go of people in your life who tell you that you can’t have what you want, or who are not supportive.

There is a saying, and I’m not sure where it comes from, but it’s very appropriate here: “To reach for something greater, you must first let go of what’s in your hand.” I think that sums it up quite nicely.

If your life is already full, you will have trouble attracting new experiences and opportunities. You’ll have to let go of something to make room for what you want.

You can certainly use your environment to help you with this. When you let go of physical things in your home or work space, you are releasing energy that you don’t need. This, in turn, will help your personal energy and will help you to let go of people, situations, beliefs, etc., that no longer serve you.

Even more interestingly, when you actively look for what is no longer serving you in your life with the intention of letting it go – new, unexpected and wonderful opportunities just start showing up.

Some people do have difficulty with affirmations though – such as affirming that you’re wealthy when the bills are piling up. It can be hard to believe what you’re saying in the affirmation. If you’ve ever had that experience, or if you hesitate to use affirmations because of that, you might want to consider an alternative method.

This method doesn’t have to be used instead of affirmations, it can be used along with affirmations, but if you’re having a hard time with them, this can really help.

The method I’m referring to is the one of asking living questions. I was reminded of this recently by my business coach. It was something I had used before but forgotten about. So I started doing it again and so have been reminded of just how effective it is.

A living question is simply a question that does not have a definitive answer – that’s why it’s a living question, you keep asking it of yourself. So an example would be something like: “how can I receive a pay raise in my job?” or “how can I resolve my sleep issues?”

When you first ask the question, you may have no idea of what an answer would look like. Or, you may get some ideas coming up that you can explore. The idea is to keep asking the question every day. A few times a day is good. Before you go to sleep is particularly good.

You might wonder what is the point of asking a question you don’t know the answer to. But actually this works in the same way that affirmations do. As you continue to ask the question, a wonderful thing happens. Your brain is on a mission to find the answers that you need. You’ll start to find that ideas come to you that you hadn’t thought of before. People show up who can help you achieve what you want or who have information that will help you. The Universe just conspires to make it happen. But if you use affirmations only – and find yourself not really believing them, using these questions can really help.

Of course, just as with affirmations the questions need to be realistic. So if I started to ask “how can I play tennis as well as Roger Federer?”  it won’t work. Simply because it’s not possible – that’s a question I already know the answer to. But I could continue to ask: “how can I continue to improve my tennis game and move up to the next level?” or something like that then my brain would be on a mission to find anything and everyone who can help me.

This method is so simple that many people discount it or forget to do it. Just because you don’t know the answer to something today doesn’t mean that you won’t have it accomplished within the next 6 months or a year. But rather than trying to figure out the answer, or trying to make it happen, I like to think of it as you allowing the Universe to bring the answers to you – you don’t need to use your mind for this.

So I encourage you to give it a try. Write your questions down, as you would with affirmations. Say them in the same way you would with affirmations. Put them in the relevant Feng Shui life areas, as you would with affirmations and see what shows up!

Linda Binns
“The Feng Shui Success Strategist”

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