There are many times when the most helpful thing you can do to move forward is to discover what you need to let go of. This could be a number of things. Here are some examples, along with some ideas to help you release them:

Beliefs and Programming – we all have old beliefs and programming that does not serve us. This is the programming that says things like – life is difficult; I don’t deserve or I’m not worthy of …; I’m not good enough; you have to work really hard for money, and so on. To be able to release these beliefs and this programming, you first need to identify what beliefs you have and whether they are in alignment with what you’re trying to accomplish.

A great way of identifying unhelpful beliefs is to pay very close attention to your thoughts and emotions. If, for example, you want to achieve financial freedom and that is what you are moving towards, you may find yourself constantly worrying about not having enough money, or going into a panic when a new bill arrives. You may find yourself feeling constant anxiety or fear when you think about money or any financial issues. These are clues that your beliefs around money are holding you back. Every time you find yourself worrying or feeling fear or anxiety stop and put your attention on it. Breathe into it and notice where you feel it in your body. Write about it to find what’s really behind the thought or feeling. Ask yourself what’s the lesson in this situation. These are all techniques that can help you identify and release the belief.

People and situations that are no longer in alignment – you may want to be more confident, to feel better about yourself, to feel more joy in your life and to finally live your purpose, and yet you may have people and situations in your life that do not support that. If you have people who tell you that you’re not good enough, or that your dreams and goals are a waste of time, or who constantly make you feel inferior you need to release them or spend as little time around them as possible. It’s the same with situations. For example, you may continue to take on tasks, or be involved in projects that don’t feel good or even stay in a job that you don’t enjoy. If you stay around people and in situations that are no longer right for you, then you’ll hold yourself back and feel stuck.

Often we are reluctant to let people or even situations go from our lives because if we do we’ll feel bad or simply because we’ve known them or been involved with them for a long time. If you’re not happy in a relationship, then it’s not helping you or the other person for you to continue with it. It’s the same with a job or life situation. If it feels heavy, and no longer a fit for you, then you are serving no one, least of all yourself, by staying with it. If you stay then you are living a lie and this really will keep you stuck.

Resentments and grudges – it can be very helpful to take an inventory of everyone who has ever said or done harmful things to you or who has hurt you in any way. Have you been able to forgive them? Often, even when you think you’ve done the work and forgiven them, the energy of what they did to you remains. The way to tell is to think about the person and what they did/said that hurt you. How do you feel when you think about this? Do you feel neutral or do you feel good about the person? Or do you feel tightness somewhere in your body or does just thinking about them simply make you feel uncomfortable? If you feel any discomfort, then there is still work to do.

One of the best ways I have found to release someone so that they or what they did to you no longer has any affect on you is to write them a letter. You’re not going to send the letter, but write it as if you were. In the letter write exactly how you feel about what they did and how it affected you then and how you feel about it now. Don’t hold back, write everything you feel. Then tell them in the letter that you are ready to let the energy of this go – not for them, but for you. Once you’ve finished, destroy the letter. You can either tear it up or burn it, whatever feels right. Later, check in with yourself again by thinking about the person. If you still feel some discomfort, you may have more to write.

If you’re feeling stuck ask yourself what you may need to release in order to move forward. You’ll be amazed at how quickly things can shift once you identify and release whatever you need to in this moment. Think of it this way – if you want to swim across to the other end of the pool, you can’t do it if you’re still holding onto the side.

Happy releasing!

Being patient and waiting for things to unfold seems to get harder and harder. One of the reasons is that we are now so used to instant results that we expect them. Do you remember the days before computers, when you had to do things by hand, such as sorting through lists, typing out individual letters because there was no mail merge, adding numbers up and making calculations yourself? Do you remember when you had to load software onto a computer using disks and it could take about half a day?

These things all seem so long ago now, but they’re not really that long ago. Now, you get impatient if the computer doesn’t respond instantaneously or if the microwave takes a whole 60 seconds to heat something. You’re used to instant results, and you want them all the time, in every situation.

If you don’t feel well, you expect the doctor to give you something to make you feel better immediately so you can get back to doing what you need to do. Over the years you may have gained weight and now, despite the fact that this has happened over a period of years, you want a solution and you want it to start working now.

Waiting has been on my mind quite a bit lately, which is why I felt inspired to write this article, because I’ve had to do quite a bit of it and I’m learning how to wait more effectively and to be more patient – with others, as well as with myself. One example – I’ve just relocated to a new State, and since I’ve been here I’ve been living in a hotel until we found the right house to rent (which we just did), then I had to wait while they processed our application, I had to wait while the owners considered whether they would allow pets or not (they will), and now I have to wait a couple of weeks until the current tenants move out and our movers can move our stuff in. Of course, now that I’ve found the right house I want to move in right away!

It really can be excruciating, this waiting, and up until now I haven’t been very good at it. Waiting is a tricky time because it’s when the mind wants to do something. It wants action. And so this is often when different scenarios will start going through your mind of everything that could go wrong. This is when, if you’re not careful, you can actually sabotage your efforts by focusing on the different stories of what might happen. Since you really can’t control anything during this waiting period, you start to worry and feel stressed and anxious, making the situation much more difficult than it needs to be.

One of the things that I’ve learned to do during periods of waiting is to surrender the situation. Here are some suggestions to help you do that:

• Let go of wishing things would go faster or any differently – accept this is how it is
• Any time you find yourself thinking of what might go wrong, acknowledge the fact that you are worried or concerned, and pay attention to what you feel and where you feel it in your body
• Write about what you’re feeling or worrying about in your journal
• Write out all the possible scenarios – acknowledging them and what you might do in each situation can be helpful because it gets everything out of your head and onto paper, making it seem more manageable
• Ask yourself what you’re really afraid of – and write about it
• Let go of the fear – you can only let go of it if you first acknowledge it and are willing to see what you’re really afraid of. Don’t try to squash it, bring it out into the open by acknowledging it
• Give yourself something to do – ask yourself what you can do now. There’s always something you can do. Keep yourself occupied and you’ll find the time goes by much faster without you worrying about it
• Do something fun – when you relax and have fun you allow the energy to flow freely and the situation can unfold in the way it needs to without your attempts at control – and you feel so much better

Waiting and being patient can be difficult. It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re having a hard time with it, and at the same time, see how you can let it go. Ask for help. Ask for guidance. Be willing to see what you can learn from the experience. You’ll find the time goes much faster and things will go much more smoothly.

Now, if only I could get into that house today……………………

The truth is, you don’t need your whole life to change before you will be able to experience happiness and joy. That’s really not how it works. Happiness and joy are already present. They are within you already. It’s just that you’re so focused on doing and striving to get somewhere that you don’t allow yourself to feel joyful. If you feel that you need something to change or some big event to happen in order for you to live a joyful life you’re focusing on the wrong things.

It’s interesting that whenever I ask people what was the best part of their day or their week, they always respond with the simple things, such as spending time with loved ones, spending a few quiet moments reading a book or sipping a cup of tea. Having time to yourself or watching a sunset or enjoying a morning walk. These are all the kinds of things that people tell me are the best part of a day or week.

So if it’s the simple things that bring you the most pleasure, why do you need something else to ‘happen’ in order for you to feel joyful? What if you could experience joy simply when doing every day things, and when going about your normal day? The answer is, you can. You just have to allow yourself to do so. The reason you often don’t is because you’re so busy doing or getting to the next thing and focusing on your to-do list that you don’t allow yourself to experience pleasure in the routine.

When something is routine you don’t really think about it at all. You just do it because it needs to get done. Try asking yourself this question each day: “how can I experience more joy in my life today?” Another technique is to ask yourself as you’re undertaking a routine task or even doing something you don’t like – “how can I experience the joy in this?”

Also, allowing yourself to be fully present in each moment as you are doing day to day tasks is a way to fully experience what you’re doing. And when you fully experience something because you are 100% present with it, then you are more likely to feel pleasure in doing it.

Give it a try. It doesn’t need to be complicated. The joy is already there. You can be happier right now, if you choose to be. If you have trouble staying completely present and you find that your mind is always racing ahead to the next thing you need to do or the things that are not going in the way you’d like them to, ask yourself the question – “how can I be more present in each moment?”

There really is more joy and happiness available to you right now, if you’re willing to access it and to allow yourself to feel it.

I work predominantly with business owners and professional women, and they work with corporate executives, but the challenge is the same for all. We’re all trying to cram as much as possible into each and every day. The pace is getting faster. We’re more inundated than ever with information and by demands on our time. Their message is the same as mine – you have to understand what’s affecting your energy and learn how to maximize your energy, and you can only do that when you develop greater self-awareness.

As women we have the added challenge of not only trying to run a business or thrive in a successful career, but also of taking care of the family and home. This most often comes at the expense of ourselves. How much time do you take for yourself? How well do you take care of yourself and your energy?

As I’ve been on my own personal journey over the years I have learned that doing more is not the answer. Trying to please everyone is not the answer. The way to accomplish more and feel more fulfilled is first of all to take care of yourself and your needs, which is the opposite of what most women do. In fact, most women think it’s selfish to do so.

I know from my own experience that you certainly can do less and accomplish more. You don’t have to have a grueling work schedule. You don’t have to take care of everyone else at the expense of yourself. And the world doesn’t come crashing down around you if you take time for yourself – just the opposite in fact.

These are universal principles that apply to everybody. For professional athletes to succeed and be at the top of their game they have to take care of themselves and their bodies. They have to push themselves, but they also have to take time to allow their bodies and minds to recover. They need to listen to their bodies and know what works for them. They have to find the right training style and they have coaches to push them, to guide them and support them. It’s just the same in business and life for all the rest of us.

As we go into a new year, it’s always a good time to reflect on what’s been working for you and what hasn’t. To identify what you want to change – what you’ve been putting up with in your life that really doesn’t make you happy. I hope you’re asking yourself those questions and that you’ve come to the decision that you will eliminate anything that’s not working for you or that doesn’t feel good. I hope you’ll take the opportunity in 2012 to focus on your energy and learn how to manage it in the best way possible for you. When you do that, you really can be fully engaged in your life. You really can be as happy and fulfilled as you make up your mind to be.

You know how it is, you’ll be at a family gathering and someone will make a seemingly innocent comment – at least to someone on the outside it might seem like an innocent comment – and you find yourself getting angry, feeling upset or frustrated. You may respond with an insulting comment, and what should be a happy time turns into a stressful occasion.

Before you know it, you find yourself getting all worked up over something that really shouldn’t be significant, but to you it is. Perhaps your mother comments that the color of your dress doesn’t really suit you, or that she preferred the haircut you used to have. Or your sister boasts about a new promotion when she knows you recently lost your job or you don’t have the job you really want. Somebody might ask if you’ve gained weight – when you thought you were looking pretty good.

The thing is, taken in isolation these comments really don’t mean anything. But you have history with these people. They are your family. They know all about you and when they make comments like this it hurts. You may even find yourself dreading family occasions or holiday times generally because you know what’s going to happen. You may find the stress building for weeks of months beforehand because you know that somebody will say something to upset you.

Why is it that the people we love the most can also be the people who hurt us the most? Whether they see that they are hurting you or not, there is a way to deal with situations that gives you your power back – because when you allow people to hurt you in this way, you are giving your power away.

The thing is – you usually know they’re going to do it. So if you know they’re going to do it, why does it still upset you? Here are a few simple steps you can take that can help you to turn the situation around, and that may even help to improve your family relationships – and help you enjoy family occasions:

1. Accept that this is who they are and this is what they do – if you know this is what they do, then you have to stop hoping, wishing or expecting that they will be any different. Stop thinking that this time it will be different, or if you just did this or said that they would see you differently or treat you differently. If you know this is what they do, then accept it.
2. Recognize that it isn’t about you – I know that it feels as though it is, but really it isn’t. If somebody ever feels the need to insult someone else or judge them or find fault, it’s not about the other person, it’s about them. When you realize that it really has nothing to do with you, even though it may be directed at you, it can ease the pain and stop the need for you to respond.
3. Release the need to respond – when you respond, either by getting upset or angry, by saying something hurtful back or trying to justify or explain yourself, you are simply feeding the negativity. Don’t give it any energy. See if you can take what is said and simply just not respond, or respond in a more positive way – such as “thank you for sharing your opinion,” or “I’m really happy for you” (and mean it.)

 The thing is, we expect our family members to love us, and to treat us with love and respect. But in reality the things they say or do feel anything but loving and respectful. Learn to let go of your expectations that they could or should behave differently or should ever have behaved differently. It is what it is. Don’t put any of your energy into it. When you withdraw your energy, there is nothing there. You may even find that they start treating you differently because of it, but don’t expect that. Simply accept and withdraw your energy.

Focus on keeping your energy positive and uplifted – then you really can enjoy any holiday gathering.

I have learned how to make peace with my body. The things I hated before I’ve actually learned to like. For example, I can now celebrate the fact that my hair takes only a few minutes to dry, whereas other women spend hours drying their hair. But learning to love myself and my body has taken a long time. When I was young I thought I was overweight (I wasn’t). When I turned 40 I gained weight and nothing worked for me – I dieted, went on cleansing programs, exercised like crazy, took hormones, you name it – I tried it and it didn’t work, I actually gained more weight. When I made peace with my body, I began to lose weight – and it wasn’t difficult.

It’s a sad fact that the majority of women feel the same way I did about their bodies. Most of them at the least dislike, and at the worst hate something about themselves and their bodies. I hear women say it all the time. I know beautiful, very slim and fit women who complain that their stomach is too big (I can assure you it never is). Women spend so much time and energy berating themselves for the way they are – just imagine if they took all that energy and put it into something positive.

Of course, the biggest issue that women focus on is their weight. You know what I mean – if you’ve ever been disappointed when shopping for clothes because nothing ever looks right, feels right or fits you right – it can’t be the clothes, so it must be you! If you’ve ever cringed at the sight of your reflection in a mirror or if you’ve avoided going somewhere or doing something because of how you look or feel. If you put on a bathing suit and all you want to do is cover yourself up. If you have clothes hanging in your closet that don’t fit you but have been there for years because at some point you’re going to fit into them again.

Why do we beat ourselves up so much about our bodies? Why is it that the harder we ‘try’ to change something, like weight, the harder it becomes? You’re smart. You have control in other ares of your life. Why can’t you control this? Why does your body seem to defy you? Can things ever change?

The good news is that yes, things can change. I am living proof of that and I know other women who have made peace with their bodies. When you make peace with your body and yourself, then you stop fighting the war against yourself. Your body can then do what it knows how to do – which is adjust to a normal weight, and return to perfect health. When you make peace with yourself the solutions and resources you need present themselves to you, effortlessly. You don’t have to ‘try’ to change something – you allow it to change naturally. You’re not forcing it.

It’s not easy to let go of the fight. Particularly because of all the messages around you telling you that if you just do this diet or exercise program or if you just take these pills or buy this equipment you’ll find the solution. sometimes these things work – for a while. But unless you resolve your issues with yourself it’s really difficult to find a permanent solution. But you know that, if you’re like me, you’ve tried most things that are out there anyway.

Making peace with yourself not only helps you re-claim your energy – all that energy that you’ve been wasting over the years – it brings you peace. Remember also that the energy that you put out comes back to you multiplied, so if you put out the energy that you’re not good enough because you’re body is not how you’d like it to be, then you’ll also be feeling inadequate or not good enough in other areas of your life. So if you think that raging against your body has no influence on anyone or anything else in your life, you would be wrong.

So how do you make peace with yourself? Well, the first step is to stop ‘trying’ to change. Accept yourself just as you are. I know that is difficult, but you can also accept that you’re not happy with the way your body looks, just accept that it is the way it is. Once you can truly accept, then and only then can things really start to change. Accepting doesn’t mean giving up. It means that you stop trying to force change. You’re going to allow it to happen naturally.

The second step is to develop complete self-awareness. You have to be aware of every thought you think, every emotion you feel. You have to be willing to feel the anger or the pain or the disappointment, rather than trying to stuff it down inside. You have to learn to understand yourself. Of course, many people would rather just try another diet or exercise program than take the time to become self-aware. But if you want peace and to be able to love yourself, it’s the only way.

If you would like to learn some specific steps that will help you end the battle with yourself once and for all, join me for a tele-seminar that will change how you think about yourself and your body and help you make a real difference. Go here to find out more: The Energy of Weight and Body Image

We love the fact that technology helps us to do more things – such as researching a company or product before buying something; responding to or receiving information from people faster, without having to wait for things to be mailed. These are just some of the amazing ways that technology helps us and makes life simpler and easier.

And yet, there’s a downside to it too. You’re now expected to be available all the time. If you don’t respond to someone immediately it’s considered a bad thing. This has become such an issue that it’s difficult for people to take a vacation any more without having to check e-mails and messages, just in case there’s something that needs a response. Because you can do more things and do them faster, people expect more from you. You end up doing more and more, because you can, and because it’s now expected.

There may be some reduction in paper clutter, but we’re now faced with ‘electrical’ clutter, in the form of electrical cords and wires. I just have to look underneath my desk to see a complete jungle of wires – although it is possible to purchase cord and wire organizers that protect and cover up the wires so they look much neater.

There’s also the issue of electromagnetic pollution. With so much electrical equipment around, the energy of our bodies is affected. I recently read in Tim Ferris’ new book ‘The 4 Hour Body’ how he discovered that keeping a cell phone in his pocked affected him by impacting his sperm count – it became very low. After removing the cell phone for several days, his sperm count went back up to normal. There can be no doubt that all this electrical equipment – particularly when it’s very close to your body, has an effect on your health.

What we need to learn is how to set boundaries for ourselves with all of this to stop us becoming overwhelmed. If you read the comments on last week’s article, you’ll see how Ginny schedules times during the day to read e-mails, instead of checking e-mails all the time. She also never checks them first thing in the morning. You could let people know that you have a schedule for checking e-mails so they don’t expect an immediate response from you.

We heard from Pandora how using on-line banking can reduce the paper clutter and need for filing. She also recommends removing yourself from catalog mailing lists and browsing catalogs on-line if you’re looking for something – another great tip.

There’s also a great resource recommended by Karen that has tips to help deal with technology overwhelm.

What I would also add is that it’s important to give yourself regular breaks from technology. A couple of weeks ago, Dee had shared how she was implementing technology-free weekends. That does sound fabulous to me, and I will confess that I haven’t managed it yet. I did manage a couple of days last week (Friday and Saturday) with minimum technology use, but I confess that I didn’t unplug completely. I’m making it my goal to have at least one day each week technology-free. I think it will be Sundays. What about you?

Comment on the following questions:

1. Has technology (internet, social media, smart phones, etc.) reduced or increased the amount of clutter in your home/business? In what ways?
2. Do you feel that technology has made your life easier, or do you feel more overwhelmed in certain areas?
3. Does your family spend less time together because of technology?
4. What tips do you have to help others deal with feeling overwhelmed – or what tips would like to hear to help you?

I’m looking forward to reading your responses. Let’s all see if we can make life a little easier!

Like most people, you may be your own worst critic. We are usually brought up to believe that focusing on ourselves (unless it’s to improve something that’s not good enough) is not a good thing. We’re told it’s self-centered and selfish. But the result of focusing only on what’s not good enough or what you could do better or what’s going wrong is that, not only will you attract more things that go wrong and identify more things that you could do better, but you will also destroy your confidence.

Those who are most successful and, at the same time are people you would want to spend time with, are those who know themselves very well. Yes, they do constantly seek to improve everything that they do. They also know what their strengths are and they focus on those. They acknowledge and celebrate their accomplishments, without being obnoxious about it. They also understand their weaknesses and they are not afraid to surround themselves with people who love to do the things they don’t and that they’re not good at.

If you want to build your confidence, feel better about yourself and your life and feel more at peace you need to stop focusing on what’s not right and put your attention on what is. You also need to remind yourself every day of just how great you are. Don’t wait for someone else to do it.

Here are a few techniques that might help you:

• Notice when you do something right and acknowledge it
• Find things that you like about yourself
• When someone pays you a compliment, accept it, and acknowledge yourself for it
• Make a note of everything that’s working well in your life – even the small things
• Take time to appreciate the people in your life who are supportive
• Notice and appreciate all the small things that you take for granted

Make a concentrated effort to focus on what you (and others) like about you and what’s going well, and you’ll notice an increase in your confidence. I’m also willing to bet that you will find more things that are right in your life than you realized. And when you acknowledge them, and are grateful for them, you’ll attract even more things that are right! Now isn’t that better than focusing on what’s wrong?

I believe there are varying degrees of narcissism, and the closer the person is to you, particularly if it’s a spouse or a parent, the more difficult it is for you to deal with. It was a major issue for me for most of my life until I realized what was really going on. Since then I’ve worked with several clients in the same position and have been able to help them resolve their issues with the narcissist in their life. I’d like to share some of the main points that can help you turn the situation around.

The first thing to understand, and this was the major turning point for me, is that narcissists are not necessarily aware of their behavior and they cannot change. That was a HUGE aha for me, that they cannot change. I know I, like most of my clients, have spent much of my life with the hope or expectation that at some point I would do something that would finally encourage my narcissistic family member to take me seriously, love me, approve of me, understand me. This realization that they cannot change allowed me to finally accept them for who they are.

When you accept that this is who they are and it’s not going to change, no matter how much you may want it to, it frees you. You can stop trying. You can let go of expectations. You can let go of wishing your relationship with this person would improve. You can stop trying so hard. You can stop allowing them to trigger you or hurt you.

Narcissists see the world in terms of how everything affects them and they are often very negative. The person in my family is very negative and I always like to look for the positive in every situation. I see what’s possible, rather than what’s not possible or what might or might not happen. I realized that every time this person was being negative about something, I would try to help them see it from a different perspective. This never worked. In fact, what it did was to feed their negativity. I realized that this person is actually happy being negative. Whenever I would come off the phone with them I would feel drained and frustrated. Why? Because I allowed myself to be drawn in, and allowed my energy to be used to feed their negativity.

I don’t do that any more. Since I stopped doing it, things have changed dramatically. They cannot draw me in, they cannot engage me and so I am never emotionally drained after speaking with them. I don’t allow myself or my energy to be used in that way. Let me share an example with you.

The family member of mine in question has a spouse who has recently been diagnosed with an illness. Their response to this (remember it’s always about them) is – if something happens to my spouse (if they don’t make it) my life will be over.  So even with someone else’s illness, it’s all about them. Now, when I heard of the illness, I stepped into positive action of course, sending a book written by someone who had overcome the particular illness using natural methods. Every time I heard negative statements about what might happen I tried to feed them with what was possible, rather than what wasn’t. But that simply fueled the negativity.

You may never have the relationship that you’d ideally like with this person. That’s just something that you have to accept. The more you try, the more you’re giving your power away, the more you’re feeding their negativity, and the more you’ll be driving yourself crazy. Here are the main things you need to do:

1. Accept that this is who they are and it’s not going to change
2. Let go of your hopes and expectations that things can be different
3. Let go of your hope that things could ever have been different
4. Don’t feed their negativity – just don’t allow yourself to be drawn into their dramas
5. You must remain neutral at all times when dealing with them – don’t allow them to trigger your emotions
6. Be prepared for the fact that when they sense you withdrawing your energy, they may change just enough to draw you back in, so that you think they have really changed. Once they’ve drawn you in, the same old patterns will repeat and you’ll find yourself in the same situation again.

This may all sound very harsh and I know it sounds like I’m making these people out to be bad people. I’m not saying they are bad people. I’m just saying that if they have this personality trait and you find it difficult to have a relationship with this person because of it, this is what you must do to re-claim your energy (and your sanity). If not, you’ll find yourself living your life according to their terms. You won’t be able to step into who you really are and what you really want to do in life because they have this control over you. And you are giving your power away to them. If you want that to change, follow the steps outlined above.

You have to take responsibility for yourself and for your own energy and life. For narcissists it’s all about them, not you – never you. It’s nothing personal. That’s just the way it is.