Since your home is energetically an outer reflection of what is going on internally, it can give many clues as to the real state of your personal relationships and also many opportunities for growth and improvement.

Let’s start with the room that energetically represents and reflects your relationship the most – your bedroom. how do you feel about this room? Do you like the furniture that you have? Do you love your bed – is it comfortable? What pictures and accessories do you have and how do they reflect your relationship?

Your bedroom is the most important room in your home because it is th room that is closest to you and has the biggest impact on you. It is important that both you and your partner love your room. It needs to be your personal sanctuary – calm, peaceful, romantic. Here are some specifics to pay attention to:

The bed
This is the most important piece of furniture in the room. It should be comfortable, sturdy and solid. If you have a headboard, choose one that is solid – that will symbolize you having solid support in your life. The bed should be in the command position – meaning that it’s as far away from the door as possible, with the headboard up against a wall or corner and that you can see the entrance to the room from the bed.

Remove anything that is stored underneath the bed – items under the bed can create stagnant energy that affects you as you sleep. If you have a king-sized bed, put a red sheet over the box spring to ‘heal’ the split down the middle.

Clutter
Remove all clutter from the room. It stops energy flow and will create problems in your relationship. It will affect both partners, because it will drain your energy until you both find yourself feeling more and more tired and lethargic, lacking motivation. This is when arguments can occur.

Artwork/accessories
Choose artwork and accessories that are calming and peaceful. Things that represent your relationship, such as a wedding photo or something that you brought back from your honeymoon or a vacation, or just a nice, recent photo of the two of you together.

Remove anything that is not conducive to a happy, harmonious relationship – you can put pictures of the rest of your family, children and pets anywhere else in the house, but save the bedroom for pictures of you and your partner and artwork that reflects romance or is particularly meaningful to both of you.

Colors
Choose warm colors, as opposed to cool colors. Any colors that have warmth to them – so, for example, instead of white, choose cream, or go with colors that have a hint of red in them (this does not mean that you should paint your bedroom bright red!) Warm colors help to create warmth in your relationship and foster close communication.

Things that intrude
Keep things like televisions, children’s toys books, desks, computers, exercise equipment, etc., out of this room if you possibly can. These all intrude on your relationship and come between you. They are also ‘active’ with energy and you want this room to be soothing and calm to promote restful sleep. If you have trouble sleeping, look at how much energy is in the room and see how you can calm it down. For example, mirrors are very active with energy. If you have a lot of mirrors in the room (such as mirrored closet doors) you may find you have trouble sleeping. If so, try covering up the mirrors before bed for a few nights to see if your sleep improves.

There are many other ways in which your home reflects and impacts your relationship – this is just one room. But it is the most important room. Making changes here can bring about powerful and positive change in your relationship very quickly.

Discover more powerful tips, tools and techniques for improving your relationships with the Getting the Love You Want and Deserve tele-series. A series of 6 recordings by Relationship and Gender expert Carolyn Casey and Energetic Edge Expert/Feng Shui Success Strategist, Linda Binns.

Whether you want to attract the perfect relationship into your life, transform your current relationship so that it is closer, more intimate and loving, or re-kindle a relationship that you have lost, the same information applies. We need to look first at ourselves, then at what has happened or continues to happen so that we can learn from it. We need to know what we want, set our intention and do the right things to make it happen. So how exactly do we do that?

There were 8 steps that I covered in the tele-seminar, let’s take a look at each of them:

1. Self – in order to have a good, close relationship with someone else, you must first know and be comfortable with yourself. You cannot truly love someone else and someone else cannot truly love you if you don’t love yourself first.

If you don’t currently have a romantic relationship but would like one, you cannot be looking for someone else to ‘complete’ you, or to fill some part of you that you perceive as empty or not perfect. You are whole and perfect just as you are and you must accept yourself as you are – if you don’t, how can somebody else?

If you search for a relationship based on needing something from the other person or feeling that you are not enough, you are immediately giving your power away to someone else. When you do that, the relationship cannot do anything else except ultimately make you unhappy. If you’re wondering why you constantly attract the ‘wrong’ people this is why.

The same thing applies if you already have a relationship but it is not everything you would like it to be. Instead of looking at the other person’s ‘faults’ and identifying everything that’s wrong with them and how they treat you as a reason for the relationship not working – look at yourself. Turn the mirror on to yourself. We teach others how to treat us so if you are not being treated in the way that you would like, what do you need to change about yourself to change the way you are treated?

Looking within and coming to terms with everything we think is not perfect about ourselves and realizing that we are enough just as we are can be a very difficult thing. But it is definitely the first step to creating a loving, healthy relationship with someone else – to have that with yourself first.

2. Learn from the past – what type of relationships have you had in the past? Is there a recurring theme to your relationships? Whatever you find or have found unsatisfactory about your relationships is not something that has happened ‘to you’, it is something that you create. It is something you can learn from. If you attract people who don’t treat you well, it’s because you don’t treat yourself well. Perhaps you feel you don’t deserve love or you have low self esteem and simply give your power away.

Whatever it is you don’t like about past relationships or what is happening now, I encourage you to ask what that situation is there to teach you. How can you learn from it? What do you need to change about you for things to be different? Don’t make it all about the other person – make it about you and what you learn. Understanding these patterns can help you identify the negative beliefs and emotions that have created the relationships you have or have had in your life.

3. Know what you want – you must be clear about what it is that you want in a relationship. How do you want to be treated? What kind of person or relationship are you looking for? Whether you have a relationship or not, you need to be clear on this. If you are in a relationship, what is happening now that you don’t like? What do you want it to look like? How do you want things to be?

You’ll never get what you want if you’re not clear about what that is – it’s time to get clear.

4. Set your intention – Once you know what you want, you can set an intention. I see this as basically ‘claiming’ what you want and what you deserve to have. This is the key to the next step.

5. Know what action to take – once you have set your intention you have to identify what actions to take. Since my specialty is Feng Shui, I focus in this tele-seminar on what you can do in your home to help the energy around your relationships. Working with your home to bring you the relationship you want.

6. Take action – when you have identified what needs to be done (for example, de-cluttering the bedroom, or working with your relationship area) then you need to take the action. Do what you can as soon as you can. Once you have set your intention and identified what to do – do it.

7. Be open – once you have started changing the energy in your home you need now to be open to what comes. It may not always happen in the way that you expect. If you do the steps outlined above and then just sit back and wait for Mr. Right to show up on your doorstep, you may be missing out. What if a friend suddenly invites you to an event that you wouldn’t normally feel like going to? Go. You might meet your ideal mate at that event. Be open to what comes and be open to the fact that it might not always be what you expect.

8. Review – the final step is to constantly review your intention, what you want, and yourself. As you go through this process things will change. You will change. It is important to always stay clear on what you want and just be aware that it can change. Keep track of what happens as you go through this process.

This is an overview of what we covered in the call. The recording is available for Feng Shui Success MasterMind members in the member’s area.

Remember, the key to getting what you want in a relationship is the same as any other area of life – it’s awareness. Awareness of yourself, what’s happening, what you want to happen, what you need to change, and what happens as a result of that change. Be open to what comes, but first be clear about what you want.

Join us for the 30-Day Wealth Attraction Challenge.

One thing that people often miss, though, is that the key to making any change in your life (no matter how large or small) is to first accept where you are now. That doesn’t mean you have to like it, just accept it. When you think about it, you can’t really do anything else because the situation already IS.

Since I know that the best way to bring about any lasting, positive change in your life is to take action, as opposed to simply wishing things were different. I recently started a series of weekly video challenges. They are designed to give people a simple challenge each week to focus on. So that they’re doing one thing every day to change, improve and grow. This week’s challenge is acceptance, and I know I’ve struck a chord because I’ve received quite a lot of feedback from people telling me that they are experiencing some resistance to this challenge.

Now to me, when something makes you feel uncomfortable like that, it’s actually a good thing. When you get outside of your comfort zone and do something new, particularly something that can have a powerfully positive impact on you and your life, it’s probably going to feel uncomfortable and you might find yourself resisting it – this means that the process of change is starting.

Most people tell me they know that accepting is a good thing to do and that they do need (and want) to do it, but for some reason they find it difficult, uncomfortable and a little stressful. I find it difficult to do myself sometimes (as you’ll discover from the video challenge). It’s so much easier to slip back into resistance and fighting against the situation we don’t like, isn’t it?

Let’s think about it though. Is it realistic to think that things are always going to go exactly the way you want them to in life? Is it realistic to think that you’ll never find yourself in a difficult or uncomfortable situation? Or that you’ll change and grow out of something (like a job or a relationship) and find yourself needing to make a change, which feels uncomfortable? I can assure you that there isn’t anybody who doesn’t experience these things. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, if you live in a mansion, if you’re in the best job ever, you are not exempt from life challenges and difficulties cropping up from time to time.

The problem is, when these things do happen and you find yourself in a situation that you didn’t want, the most common reaction is to resist it. You don’t like it, you don’t want it, you fight against it, you complain about it, you become very unhappy about it. The mind takes over and your thoughts go round and round in your mind about how unfair it is, how unhappy you are, and so on. It happens to all of us. So what does that achieve? Nothing – except stress, anxiety, fear, all of which have a very negative effect on yoru physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health.

So what does eacceptance mean exactly? Often people confuse acceptance with giving up, meaning that if they accept the situation then it means they have to stay in that situation for ever. But that’s not the case. Acceptance simply means, as Eckhart Tolle so brilliantly puts it: “surrendering your resistance to life.” It means you acknowledge that the situation is as it is. It already is, so denying that fact won’t help. When you simply acknowledge and accept the situation and acknowledge and accept the way you feel about it (this makes me feel upset, angry, fearful, and so on) in the process of acceptance you have given yourself the opportunity to change the situaiton. When you resist it, you are actually keeping yourself there, in the very situation that you want to change.

When you can accept the situation and how you feel about it, rather than trying to change anything or fighting against it, the first thing that happens is that your mind stops. You calm down. Your body feels calmer. You can breathe. It is as it is. I accept that. THEN comes the really wonderful part – your mind becomes clearer and you can find that either solutions to your dilemma appear in your mind, or that the right person or people show up in your life to help you, or even that the problem starts to disappear on its own. It is only when you have accepted that you can take action, because then you will know the right things to do.

Yet even when we know that, acceptance can still be difficult. That’s okay, accept that acceptance is difficult sometimes. This becomes even more powerful if you use a journal to write about how you feel and what comes up for you as you struggle to accept something you don’t like. You can complete the following sentence: “I am finding it difficult to accept this situation because….” or “I am afraid that if I accept this situation …. will happen.” You get the idea. This exercise can be very revealing and is a great way of uncovering the limiting beliefs and emotions that got you into the situation in the first in the first place.

Yes, it can be difficult, that’s why I’m using it in my video challenge – to challenge you (and myself). And when you do the things that are difficult, the things that you fear most, the things that you feel most resistant to – wonderful things can happen. So I invite you to take the challenge. And of course, let me know how you get on.

Click here to view the embedded video.

We know ( or have heard) about how powerful gratitutde is. I’ve advised many clients who were feeling stuck in their lives or who were going through a particularly difficult situation to keep a gratitude journal, focusing on what they have in their life that they’re grateful for every day. And that certainly is a very powerful thing – it can make you feel better, and help you to realize that things are not as bad as they may seem. So what’s the difference between gratitude and appreciation?

When you practice gratitude, it certainly can help you to appreciate what you have in your life much more. So if you think of it in terms of emotion, feeling and energy – appreciation is a more powerful energy. When you truly appreciate something or someone there’s a feeling that goes along with it, a sensation in your body. You can be grateful for something without necessarily generating that strong feeling. For example, I can be grateful for chocolate (and believe me, I am) or grateful that the person who almost backed into my car the other day heard me sounding the horn just in time and stopped (and I really am). Gratitude is a very good feeling, but I think that appreciation is stronger.

At the end of the day it used to be that I would lie in bed and think of the things that I’m grateful for that day. Now, I think of the things I appreciate about the day – it’s subtle but really is more powerful. I think appreciation requires more thought. For example, you can say you’re grateful for your spouse – but when you start to think about the things you really appreciate about them, such as their great sense of humor, or how patient they are with the children, or how he or she always brings you tea in bed, you’re really taking the time to think more deeply about them – and the resulting feeling, as you take the time to think about those things is much stronger.

I’m including a link to the video here, so you can see it for yourself. Once you’ve watched it, I do encourage you to practice appreciation as you go through your day. Start to notice how you feel as you appreciate the people, places, things and situations in your life. It really is a good feeling. Always be grateful, but take the time to appreciate as well. I think you’ll notice a big difference. Let me know if you do.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Linda Binns
Harmony Inside & Out

Click here to view the embedded video.

Occasionally though, I’ll have a free evening when I’m not working or reading or playing tennis, and I really don’t want to do much of anything. When that happens I might just switch on the television and look through the channels to see what’s on. I just happened to do this last night and ended up watching one of the reality shows for a while (The Biggest Loser – the weight loss show). I have to say that watching it left me feeling somewhat sad and a little confused.

It seems that each of these shows has something in common, and that is to create drama, conflict, and stress among the contestants. It becomes a game of manipulation or trying to make the contestants feel badly about themselves. That makes me sad and the confusion comes because I know they do it because that’s what people want to watch.

But is it really? Are we really that addicted to drama, conflict and stress that we need to watch it on television? I’ve heard people say that because they have so much stress in their own lives they enjoy seeing that it happens to other people too. Really?

Now, call me naive and tell me that this would never work – but what if, (and I’ll take The Biggest Loser as an example, since that’s the one I saw) instead of voting people off the show and manipulating each other to stay on the show, the focus was actually more on losing the weight and helping and supporting each other to lose the weight and feel better about themselves? We all know that it’s not just about losing weight, there are a lot of emotional issues that go along with that. What if the contestants had a vote at the end of the week to choose the person who had been the most supportive and encouraging to others, rather than voting for who should leave? What if they focused more on the person who had achieved the most in terms of weight loss instead of penalizing the person who had lost the least?

What if the shows focused on what’s good about people instead of their perceived weaknesses? Wouldn’t they all win? Of course it’s nice to win, but how fulfilling is it to win at the expense of others, and knowing that you won by manipulation?

It seems to me that these shows start off with a good idea but that it gets lost in all the drama because the creators feel that negative drama is what’s going to draw the most people to watch it. The show Survivor actually has little to do with who has the best survival skills, but who is the most manipulative, it seems – and then that’s rewarded.

Even on the shows where the viewers vote people off, they seem to drag it out so much to make it as painful as possible for everyone wondering if they will be the one to go this week. With the shows that have judges, do they really have to be so brutal? Rather than telling people how horrible they were or making fun of them, why don’t they advise them on what they could do better?

Eckhart Tolle says that programs like these are created “by pain bodies for pain bodies” and I can see that is true. So that when you watch them you are feeding the pain body within yourself, which ultimately creates more stress and pain in your own life.

I’m sure that as long as the ratings are high these shows will cotntinue to be this way. And if the ratings start to dip then they’ll just find ways to add more drama and conflict to bring people back. That’s what’s sad to me.

So if you hear of a show that’s positive rather than negative. That focuses on people’s gifts rather than making fun of their weaknesses and that rewards selflessness rather than manipulation, let me know – that’s a show that I would like to watch.

Feel free to comment, and consider joining our membership site where you will receive positive support, encouragement and motivation – at www.HarmonyInandOut.com.

Think about these two different styles: You like to take your time before making a decision. Carefully gathering data and facts so that your decision will be the right one, based on careful analysis of information. Nothing wrong with that. So why do some people get irritated with you and think you’re too slow? When they do, it causes you to withdraw. Or, you love to be in charge, to solve problems and get things done. You like to move quickly and get very irritated by people who waste your time, who talk too much or who take a long time to make decisions. Why do people seem to get upset when you’re just trying to get things done? They’re just too emotional.

These are two very different styles and they often drive each other crazy. Is there a way that they could ever work together? Some people like to take things slowly, other people like to move quickly, some love people and social situations, others prefer dealing with data and facts rather than people. We all have different communication styles and it can make life very difficult, both at home and at work.

One of the most popular personality profile assessments is known as the DISC Assessment. I don’t claim to be an expert in DISC analysis, but there is some basic information about the 4 personality styles that I think can be very helpful for everyone to understand.

According to DISC, there are 4 main personality types. We all have each of these styles within us, but we usually have 2 predominant ones. One is usually strongest, with the other being a close second. here is an introduction to those styles – see if you can identify yourself here:

• D (Direct, Decisive)
  These people are concerned about results, that’s all that matters to them. They like to be in charge, hate being told what to do and get bored (and angry) easily. They tend to make decisions quickly and become very impatient with people who waste their time by doing too much talking or planning. They can be very blunt, to the point of being rude and can often hurt people’s feelings.
• I (Influence, Image)
  These people are very outgoing, optimistic and charming. They love being around people and social situations. They love to communicate and enjoy meeting new people. They like people and also want to be liked. They don’t like rigid schedules or working by themselves. They hate to be left out.
• S (Steady, Supportive)
  This personality type is very loyal and supportive. They are good listeners and love to be part of a team. Their main goal is to help people. They avoid conflict and don’t like dealing with unexpected change. They are very patient and persistent and dependable. They don’t handle criticism well and don’t like being pressured to make decisions quickly or being judged unfairly. They like to be recognized for their loyalty and service.
• C (Conscientious, Correct)
  These are people who love facts and data. They like to be right and will research every aspect of a situation and consider every detail before making a decision. They have a reputation for being accurate and logical. They love systems and procedures and are always looking for what could go wrong. They don’t like to deal with sudden change and prefer to work alone. They are sticklers for details and always read the fine print.

As you can see, each of these personality types is different and you can probably recognize your own personal style. It’s also easy to see how conflict and miscommunication can occur. What if you get irritated with your spouse because he takes too long to make a decision and you feel he analyzes everything to death? Once you understand that he is probably a ‘C”and hates to be rushed into making decisions and likes to consider all of the facts first, perhaps you could start to present your ideas or situations ahead of time and leave him time to think it over. He would feel that you value his analysis of the situation and would come to a decision in his own time. Neither of you would feel stressed or get irritated with each other.

The truth is that each of the personality types has their strengths and each has their challenges. We need every one of these different styles. Just try getting a project completed if you don’t have a ‘D’ on your team. Without them you might just spend a lot of time talking about what you want to do, but not actually doing anything. And you don’t want to dismiss a ‘C’ as being too negative when they talk about the things that could go wrong in a project or situation. Without them you could find yourself dealing with unexpected crises because you hadn’t considered all posibilities.

There’s obviously a lot more to this, but I encourage you to take the time to learn your style, your unique combination of attributes and how you like to communicate, but also take the time to learn about the other styles. That way when you come across someone who starts to irritate you or frustrate you, think about where they’re coming from and what their personality type is – that can help you to react in a much different way and make life easier and less stressful for everyone.

If you’d like to listen to a recording of our recent tele-seminar on Personality Types, here is the link:

http://www.harmoniouslifechoices.com/replay.htm

You’ll also have the opportunity to take the DISC assessment for yourself and to join us on a webinar on March 26th with DISC expert, Jim Stephens.

Every house has something to tell us – what do you think this one is saying?

So often people tell me things like: “ever since we moved into this house we’ve had marriage problems”, or “since we moved into this house everything seems to have gone wrong.” Whether it’s relationship issues, health problems, job losses – whatever the problem, your home has a definite role to play in what’s going on.

The same issues can occur with each person who moves into a house. Have you ever heard about a house where people say “everyone who lives in that house seems to end up getting divorced” or “everyone who’s lived in that house seems to have financial problems?” Well, it’s not coincidence.

Even before I knew about Feng Shui, when choosing a house I would always know immediately when I walked into the right one. Many people have the same experience. You look at lots of houses, most of them have the features that you’re looking for, but they just don’t feel right. And then you walk into one and you just know it’s the right one.

I believe we choose the homes we live in based on what we need to work on in our life. Before I studied Feng Shui, i didn’t know that, but when I look back at the various homes I’ve lived in, I can see it so clearly. When my husband and I chose the house we’re in now, I have to say I hesitated. When we walked into this house we both knew this was the right one. We felt it. Yet it had some definite Feng shui challenges that I wasn’t sure i wanted to deal with. I knew that if we chose this house that our relationship would be challenged – it has been. I knew that it might be difficult to find the help, support, and resources that we needed – sometimes it has been. I knew that we would be challenged in different ways – and we have been. I also knew that I had the tools and the knowledge to be able to work through these challenges and apply Feng Shui to the ‘problem areas’ in ways that would help us, if I was up to the challenge.  I was and these Feng Shui solutions have definitely helped us.

Challenges come into your life to help you grow. If you weren’t ready to deal with those challenges, I don’t think they would show up yet. Whatever you’re going through in your life, your home is playing a big part in it.

You see, your home is so closely connected to you, so much a part of you, that it is a direct reflection of everything that’s going on in your life. It’s an outer reflection of your inner world. The good news is that this means you can work with your home to change any aspect of your life that’s not working in the way that you’d like it to. The key to doing this is awareness. You need to be aware of just how your home is affecting you and how you can make sure it’s affecting you in a positive way.

Let me share an example with you. Several years ago, I did a consultation for a couple who were going through such a difficult time that they were on the brink of divorce. The wife called me for the consultation as a last ditch attempt to do something to save the marriage. She didn’t really believe that it would work, but somebody had told her about Feng Shui, so she thought she might as well give it a try.

They lived in a very nice home. It was beautifully decorated and furnished and they liked the house. In Feng Shui, we assess the home in terms of energy. Each aspect of your life is represented in your home, so we look at the various areas (health, finances, relationships and so on) to see what is happening energetically in each of these areas that could be impacting you in your life. In this particular case, it was interesting to note that all of the areas in the home that related to their relationship had energy problems. None of the other areas had issues, just the relationship areas. Each of the areas in their home that related to their relationship had either very draining energy or stuck energy. It was very interesting and the first time I had ever seen so much that was wrong in one life area.

It was as if the house was shouting out to everyone that their relationship needed some particular care and attention. Not surprisingly, when I asked about the previous occupants of the house, I was told that they had sold the house because they got divorced. Definitely not a coincidence.

Fortunately, the couple agreed to follow through with the recommendations I made to correct the energy problems. They weren’t sure if it would help, but what I had explained to them seemed to make sense and they wanted to give it a try.

I’m happy to report that they are still together several years later, although they sold the house and moved into a different one. With their new Feng Shui knowledge they chose a house with strong relationship areas this time.

I believe the lesson here is not to underestimate the impact your house is having on your life. Treat it with love and respect. Your home represents you. Love your home, keep the energy moving and flowing and ifyou’re having life challenges – look to see how your home may be contributing to them.

Here are some very basic things that you can do that will help:

• Clear the clutter – any areas of clutter stop the movement of energy, creating stagnation – this will negatively affect some aspect of your life. Just think about where in your life you feel stuck and you’ll know that the clutter is affecting that.
• Let go of anything that you don’t need, use or love or that has negative memories and associations. It will hold you back and keep you stuck.
• Surround yourself with things that you do love, things that nourish and support you and make you feel good.
• Keep your home clean and in good repair.
• Your bedroom should feel like your sanctuary, your favorite room in the house. It should be peaceful, calm and relaxing.

What do you do if the area that represents your relationship is in the garage? Simply find something to put there that represents love – such as this hanging mobile of red hearts.

If you want to learn more about your home, the different areas and how they affect you and, how to correct problem areas, become a member at www.harmonyinandout.com. Join us on tele-seminars and you’ll learn the specifics of how to make your home work for you, rather than against you.

We welcome your comments – do you have a story to share about your home? We’d love to hear it.

That’s Brenda holding up a copy of my book. You can listen to the show here: http://www.myspace.com/pieceofmindd

Brenda has some great tips for helping you stay balanced – visit her website and check out her ‘toolbox’ at www.brendaharper.net.