A Narcissist in the Family

Do you have someone in your family, or perhaps even a close friend, with narcissistic tendencies? I know many people who do, both friends and clients, and it’s something I have personal experience of too. It becomes an issue when you find yourself being frustrated by their inability to treat you as you want to be treated, to see you as you wish to be seen, and when they seem to constantly trigger feelings of frustration, anxiety, distress, etc., in you.

I believe there are varying degrees of narcissism, and the closer the person is to you, particularly if it’s a spouse or a parent, the more difficult it is for you to deal with. It was a major issue for me for most of my life until I realized what was really going on. Since then I’ve worked with several clients in the same position and have been able to help them resolve their issues with the narcissist in their life. I’d like to share some of the main points that can help you turn the situation around.

The first thing to understand, and this was the major turning point for me, is that narcissists are not necessarily aware of their behavior and they cannot change. That was a HUGE aha for me, that they cannot change. I know I, like most of my clients, have spent much of my life with the hope or expectation that at some point I would do something that would finally encourage my narcissistic family member to take me seriously, love me, approve of me, understand me. This realization that they cannot change allowed me to finally accept them for who they are.

When you accept that this is who they are and it’s not going to change, no matter how much you may want it to, it frees you. You can stop trying. You can let go of expectations. You can let go of wishing your relationship with this person would improve. You can stop trying so hard. You can stop allowing them to trigger you or hurt you.

Narcissists see the world in terms of how everything affects them and they are often very negative. The person in my family is very negative and I always like to look for the positive in every situation. I see what’s possible, rather than what’s not possible or what might or might not happen. I realized that every time this person was being negative about something, I would try to help them see it from a different perspective. This never worked. In fact, what it did was to feed their negativity. I realized that this person is actually happy being negative. Whenever I would come off the phone with them I would feel drained and frustrated. Why? Because I allowed myself to be drawn in, and allowed my energy to be used to feed their negativity.

I don’t do that any more. Since I stopped doing it, things have changed dramatically. They cannot draw me in, they cannot engage me and so I am never emotionally drained after speaking with them. I don’t allow myself or my energy to be used in that way. Let me share an example with you.

The family member of mine in question has a spouse who has recently been diagnosed with an illness. Their response to this (remember it’s always about them) is – if something happens to my spouse (if they don’t make it) my life will be over.  So even with someone else’s illness, it’s all about them. Now, when I heard of the illness, I stepped into positive action of course, sending a book written by someone who had overcome the particular illness using natural methods. Every time I heard negative statements about what might happen I tried to feed them with what was possible, rather than what wasn’t. But that simply fueled the negativity.

You may never have the relationship that you’d ideally like with this person. That’s just something that you have to accept. The more you try, the more you’re giving your power away, the more you’re feeding their negativity, and the more you’ll be driving yourself crazy. Here are the main things you need to do:

1. Accept that this is who they are and it’s not going to change
2. Let go of your hopes and expectations that things can be different
3. Let go of your hope that things could ever have been different
4. Don’t feed their negativity – just don’t allow yourself to be drawn into their dramas
5. You must remain neutral at all times when dealing with them – don’t allow them to trigger your emotions
6. Be prepared for the fact that when they sense you withdrawing your energy, they may change just enough to draw you back in, so that you think they have really changed. Once they’ve drawn you in, the same old patterns will repeat and you’ll find yourself in the same situation again.

This may all sound very harsh and I know it sounds like I’m making these people out to be bad people. I’m not saying they are bad people. I’m just saying that if they have this personality trait and you find it difficult to have a relationship with this person because of it, this is what you must do to re-claim your energy (and your sanity). If not, you’ll find yourself living your life according to their terms. You won’t be able to step into who you really are and what you really want to do in life because they have this control over you. And you are giving your power away to them. If you want that to change, follow the steps outlined above.

You have to take responsibility for yourself and for your own energy and life. For narcissists it’s all about them, not you – never you. It’s nothing personal. That’s just the way it is.

Tags: energetic edge, law of attraction. narcissism, Life Balance, Life energy, narcissistic

You know how it is when you want something to change or you want something to happen or you want to release yourself from a situation but somehow, no matter what you do, you just can’t seem to make anything happen? You feel stuck and not sure what to do next. Perhaps you even recognize that you may be holding yourself back in some way, but no matter what you do, you just can’t seem to get to the bottom of it.

When this happens, what can you do? It’s a question I am asked quite often, so here are a few techniques I like to use that you might find helpful to move you forward.

Stream of Consciousness Writing
This is a bit like journaling, but instead of just writing down your thoughts or how you feel, the idea is not to think about what you’re writing. You’ll want to write for about 10 minutes, which your mind might resist because you’ll reach a point where you don’t know what to write. Keep writing anyway, because that’s what you want. Keep writing without thinking about it and you will access your subconscious mind, which can give you answers and insights you were previously unaware of.

You’ll want to use specific statements, depending on your own situation, but here are some examples:

• I am frustrated because …
• I am angry because …
• I am not making the progress I would like because …
• I will be successful when …
• I’m afraid that when I achieve the success I really want, I will …
• I’m afraid that when I achieve the success I really want, others will …
• The best way for me to make money right now is …

This technique can reveal some valuable insights. You may find that what you write seems to have nothing whatsoever to do with the issue you’re dealing with. But pay attention, because it’s what is keeping you stuck.

If you don’t like writing, but you love drawing, you could always draw instead of writing to see what comes up for you.

Surrender Book or Box
Create a special book or a box that you can use to write any issue that you’re feeling stuck with. You write it in the book, or write it on a card or piece of paper and put it in the box. Once it’s there, you simply surrender it. Know that it will be handled, that the solution(s) will come to you and you will know when you need to take action and what action to take. You let it go.

Again, this is a very powerful technique that I have used many times with great success – both for myself and for my clients.

De-Clutter
If you have clutter somewhere in your  home or your office it means the energy there is stuck. This reflect some aspect of your own energy that is stuck. When you clear the clutter, it can help you become unstuck. It may seem hard to believe, but it’s true.

These are simple but powerful techniques. Give them a try. I like to use all three. Try them and let me know how you get on.

Tags: energetic edge, Life Balance, Life energy, stuck

I experienced some wonderful examples this week of how, when you stop trying to make things happen and surrender, things just fall into place so much more easily. It’s all about setting your intention and then getting out of the way.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t take action – you need to take action. But my tendency, like many others I know, is to be thinking that I have to take action all the time. Because if it doesn’t happen right way, you have to keep going until you make it happen, right? Wrong.

The other mistake people tend to make is to think that if it doesn’t happen right away then it’s not going to happen, or it’s the wrong thing, or you’re doing something wrong. There’s a great tendency to over-think and over-analyze things. What I’ve been shown again and again, and was really highlighted for me this week both with my own experience, and that of one of my clients is that it’s so much simpler than that.

It seems that surrendering something, once you’ve set a goal or intention, can be one of the most difficult things to do. Knowing when to take action and what action to take, and then knowing when to let go and allow it to manifest can be challenging. We second-guess ourselves all the time.

I believe there are two main things we need to do:

1. Set your intention but let go of all attachment to exactly  how it happens or how it shows up. It’s good to be clear about what you want, and it’s good to have a plan of how you might accomplish it, but don’t be attached to those things. When you let go of the attachment, you actually open yourself up to the possibility that what comes could be even better than you thought it could be. When you let go of needing to know exactly how you’re going to accomplish it, you open yourself up to the possibility that it can come to you much more easily than you thought and with a lot less effort on your part.One of the things I often find with clients is that when they do this and they start to experience fantastic results they often start to feel guilty because it was so easy. There is this belief that’s been ingrained in us that everything has to be hard. You can only achieve success if you work really, really hard for it. If something comes easily it must be wrong. Well I don’t know about you, but I’ve done it the hard way for many years and that is a belief that I am very ready and willing to release.
2. Be very self-aware. It is only through self awareness that you will know when to take action and when to stop. It’s the only way to know if what you want is really in alignment with who you are and what is best for you in your life. You have to know yourself, understand yourself, know what energizes you and what drains you. You have to know what feels good and what feels like a struggle. You have to  know when your mind is trying to take over by analyzing everything to death. You have to know when your mind is trying to sabotage you or when others are trying to sabotage you. You have to understand your unique skills and talents, what things you love to do and what you find most challenging.

The more you practice these two things, the more you’ll find yourself manifesting what you want in your life with ease. Can you accept that it doesn’t have to be hard? Can you accept that you deserve to accomplish what you want more easily? Can you let go of the belief that everything has to be a struggle? If you’re ready to let go of those beliefs, then hold on to your hat, because you may just get what you ask for. So the real question then becomes – how good can you stand it?

Tags: energetic edge, Law of Attraction, Life Balance, Life energy

One question that I have been asked a lot lately has to do with protecting yourself from someone else’s negative energy. The best solution for your particular situation will depend a lot on what specifically is going on. But here are some general guidelines for protecting yourself or for restoring your energy after a particularly negative encounter.

First of all, it’s important to understand that negative energy can come in all forms and from many sources. for example, we are currently surrounded by a lot of fear. If you watch the news, or read the newspaper you’ll hear negative news about the economy and terrorism, even illnesses and climate change. If your company is or has been downsizing, there will probably be a lot of fear and unhappiness amongst the remaining employees. It can be difficult to keep your energy high and stay positive when you’re surrounded by this much negativity.

You may have some people in your life who like to complain a lot, or who will ‘bring you back down to earth’ if you’re feeling particularly happy or enthusiastic. You may know someone who undermines you or who minimizes your achievements. Then there are the people who like to make others feel guilty or feel that you’re doing something wrong and there are the victims – the ones who can never let go of the story of how badly they’ve been treated or how everything always goes wrong for them.

Whether you meet these people in person or you’re talking to them over the phone, they leave you feeling completely drained and exhausted. You may even have feelings of dread when you know you have to see them or talk to them because you know you’ll be left feeling completely depleted.

So how do you protect yourself from other people’s negative energy? Here are some suggestions -if you have other methods that work for you, I’d love for you to share them:

Take care of yourself - it’s very important that you aware of your energy and take care of yourself. You have to know what (and who) energizes you and drains you. You need to make sure that you do as much to nurture yourself and take care of yourself as you can so that you are grounded and balanced. This makes it much easier to deal with negative people and for your energy to bounce back once you’ve had an encounter with someone.

Create a supportive environment – the energy in your home has a profound impact on you. If you create a home environment that you love, that nurtures and supports you, then you will be much more grounded and balanced in all things. Surround yourself with things that you love. Make sure you eliminate clutter in your home. Use uplifting colors and artwork. Create an environment that you absolutely love to be in and it will support you and protect you through life’s difficulties.

Ask for protection – if you know you’re going to be meeting or speaking with someone who has a negative effect on you, ask for protection. Do a meditation or say a prayer before your encounter and simply ask for protection. You can also visualize yourself being surrounded by a white light that protects you from all negative energy. Or you can visualize a shield around you, or anything else that works for you.

Send love to negative people – this may sound like the last thing you want to do, but being upset or angry with them doesn’t do you any good at all. Silently send them love and positive energy before you meet with them. You can also ask for the room where you will be meeting to be filled with love and positive energy.

Wear a symbol of protection – I have a bracelet of black tourmaline that I used to wear whenever I went to people’s homes or business for consultations. I don’t do those types of consultations any more, but I still wear it sometimes if I have to go to a meeting or somewhere where I feel there may be negative energy. You may have some other item or piece of jewelry that symbolizes protection for you. wearing something like this can help tremendously.

Use mirrors for protection – in Feng Shui mirrors are often used for protection against negative energy. The key is to put the mirror in the area of your home that relates to the area of your life that needs protection. To find where this is, you’ll need a Bagua map (you can search for this on-line). So, for example, if you need protection from the energy at work, you can put a mirror in the area of Career (front, center of the home). Octagonal mirrors work best for this. It’s very important if you use this method that you NEVER use the mirror to direct negative energy towards another person. You should use this only for self-protection and with compassion.

These are some ways you can protect yourself. If you’ve already been exposed to negative energy, and want to cleanse yourself, here are some ways to do that:

Disconnect – visualize yourself and your energy being disconnected from the other person. If you feel you’re still carrying their negativity with you, you can visualize a chord joining the two of you and then visualize yourself cutting that chord.

Play music – play uplifting music and/or dance. Music has a wonderful way of boosting your energy and clearing away negativity.

Take a bath - soak in a tub of hot water with Epsom salts and even sea salt added. You can also add some aromatherapy oils, which will help to balance your energy.

Aromatherapy oils – make a massage oil or diffuse some oils. There are many oils that can be used for this, so do some research to find some that you like. Some of the best oils for purification are Frankincense, Lemon, Cedar or Lavender.

I hope you find this helpful – feel free to share what works for you.

Tags: energetic edge, energy protection, Life Balance, Life energy, negative energy

I often meet people who are not happy with what they are doing and they know there must be more to life, but they just don’t know what to do about it. Or they think they’re too old to change direction and consider something new. Or perhaps they’re just going through the motions in their life without any real passion. I really don’t believe life is meant to be lived this way.

If you haven’t read any books by Barbara Sher, I highly recommend that you do so. Today I’d like to share with you a fabulous book by Barbara called: I Could Do Anything if Only I Knew What it Was – How to discover what you really want and how to get it.

The book is not only about identifying what it is that you really want in your life, it also gives some very practical ways to help you figure out how to achieve it.

The book also talks a lot about resistance because it’s what stops so many people. They want change, yet they are resistant to it. whenever you’re considering trying something new or different, resistance often crops up. The only way to eliminate the resistance is to move through it. The resistance will come when you start to make a change and it will show you all the reasons why you can’t do what you want to do. You will feel that it is not possible to move beyond these obstacles.

There are some exercises in the book to help you bring out the resistance so that you see it clearly. Once you can see it clearly, then you’ll be able to overcome it. The entire book then gives you tools and strategies to work with your particular resistance.

There really is no reason to ever stay stuck. The tools and resources are out there, and this is a great resource.

Tags: Barbara Sher, dealing with change, life goals, passion for life

I’ve talked quite a bit about bedrooms in the past and how important they are. Your bedroom is the room that is closest to you and has the biggest impact on you and all areas of your life. It has a very big impact on your health and energy, and it reflects your level of comfort and satisfaction with yourself and your life.

It is important that you love your bedroom and everything in it and that it is kept clutter free. There are many other aspects of your bedroom that you may not have considered but they are very important, so I’d like to cover a few of them here.

Books in the bedroom – many people like to read before they go to sleep. I certainly do. But it’s also a good idea to really consider what types of books you’re reading before you go to bed. Each book has different energy attached to it, such as the subject matter and even the energy of the author. I’ve said before that everything is alive with energy, and that includes books.

Be careful about reading books that are about violence, tragedies or have sad endings. They can affect your sleep or even, on a deep sub-conscious level, begin to affect your health or your relationships.

It’s not a good idea to keep too many books in the bedroom. Just have the one that you’re currently reading, or one that you like to refer to. A bookcase full of books in the bedroom brings too much energy to a space that needs to be calm.

Don’t treat it as an office or exercise room – the energy of the bedroom is about sleep and it’s about relationships – your romantic relationship, as well as your relationship with yourself. It is your most personal space and the energy should be very calm and it should represent your relationship (or the one you’d like to have). When you bring in the energy of work and/or exercise you are bringing in energy that is very active, which will interfere with your sleep, your health,, your relationship and your life generally. It can very quickly create a sense of overwhelm.

There is also a lot of stress that can be associated both with work and with exercise. With work, you may feel as though you can never ’switch off.’ You always have work on your mind – of course you will if you don’t have a personal space where you can detach from it. You are bringing in your work energy – the energy of your day at work – into your bedroom. This is a recipe for even higher levels of stress.

As far as exercise is concerned, again, this is very active and not the right energy for a bedroom. It is often something that you feel you ‘have’ to do, rather than want to do (pressure). It may even be something that you feel you ’should’ be doing but are not, in which case you are being surrounded with the energy of guilt and even failure.

Don’t overdo the furniture – you’ll want to have plenty of space around the bed and to make sure that you don’t have too much furniture in the room. Allow the energy in the room to circulate freely (including underneath the bed). Allow the room to breathe. If you like big, heavy, dark furniture, make sure the room is an appropriate size to accommodate it. You don’t want the room to feel crowded or overwhelmed with furniture. Overall, you don’t want your bedroom to be too dark (except at night when you turn the lights off).

Generally speaking, lighter woods and other natural materials are best for beds and bedroom furniture. Avoid metal beds because they can conduct electro-magnetic fields.

Think about where the furniture came from as well. If it was given to you by somebody else, or is left over from a previous relationship, think about the energy that it is carrying related to that person and your relationship with them. Is that energy positive and supportive? If not, you’ll want to consider replacing it when you can.

These are just a few simple tips that can help you turn your bedroom into a personal sanctuary that supports you in all ways.

Tags: energetic edge, Feng Shui, Feng Shui bedroomm, Feng Shui Home, Feng Shui Relationships, Relationships

Where are you holding yourself back? What are you putting up with in your life? Where are you not speaking up for fear of upsetting somebody else? It may be more common than you think. I meet many women who are holding themselves back in a big way because of the fear of upsetting somebody else. This is usually a spouse, partner or family member. It starts off, perhaps in very small ways, but then becomes a pattern that is more difficult to change the longer it goes on. Why does this happen and, more importantly, what can be done about it?

It’s important to understand that there are many levels to this issue and many complexities that I couldn’t possibly cover in one article. So what is discussed here is more of a general overview to help you recognize if you are in this pattern and to what level.

To find out if this is a pattern that has become your reality, start by taking a look at the following questions to see if any of them apply to you:

• Does somebody else (spouse, parent, friend, etc.) like to make decisions for you, so that you find yourself deferring to them on most things?
• Do you hold yourself back from expressing your desires or opinions?
• Do you find yourself going along with what the other person wants/doesn’t want and then feel upset or resentful – and probably guilty for feeling that way?
• Have you lost all sense of what you want, because it’s been so long since your opinions or desires even mattered?
• Are you afraid to discuss certain topics with this person because they will get angry, upset or stressed and so you avoid mentioning them, even though you may want to discuss them?
• Do you find yourself minimizing your accomplishments or holding yourself back in some way so as not to upset this person?
• Do you feel that you cannot be your true self around this person or even that you have completely lost all sense of your true self?
• Does this person undermine you when you have made decisions or agreed on things together?
• Do you feel constantly criticized and not supported?
• Have you squashed your dreams and desires because it would make this person feel uncomfortable?
• Does your home reflect the other person’s tastes, likes and desires and not yours?
• Are there things about your home that you would love to change, but this person won’t let you, or he/she has control over what does and does not get done in the home?
• Are your interests, passions, hobbies, dreams or desires ridiculed or minimized by this person?
• Does this person make you feel guilty if you enjoy yourself or do anything that you really love to do?
• If you challenge this person about something they’ve said or done that you didn’t feel was right, do they turn it around and make you the one who is ‘in the wrong?’

If you said yes to one or two of these questions, the situation can probably be quite easily changed by you making a few changes in your energy, specifically some of your beliefs and programming and how you feel about yourself.

The more of these questions you said yes to, the more difficult it can become. It’s definitely possible to change, but the more entrenched you are in the pattern and with the person, the harder it is.

What it all comes down to is how you feel about yourself, what boundaries you set, and what your beliefs are about what’s possible. For example, I know many very intelligent, very talented and successful women who feel intimidated in their relationship with their spouse. Often (but not always) this can stem from a fear the spouse has that if you become too successful, you will leave them or not want them any more, so they subconsciously try to control you.

Any relationship is about growth and hopefully you will grow together. However, sometimes one person in a relationship or family strives for growth while the other(s) want to stay the same. They feel threatened by your growth because they fear it will take you from them, make you feel superior to them, etc., so they make you feel bad for even wanting to change and grow. They don’t want things to change, they want them to stay the same – which means you staying the same, because they feel threatened by you changing.

Mostly this all happens on a subconscious level and you may not even be aware that it’s happening until you’re so deeply entrenched int eh pattern that you have no idea how to get out or you’re afraid of what will happen if you try to get out of it. What the other person is doing to you is manipulation, pure and simple. Not consciously perhaps, and not intentionally perhaps, but ultimately, that’s what it is.

The first step to changing it is to recognize it. The second is to become aware of how big of a problem it is. The third is to realize that you have to make a decision about what you want. The choice is yours – even if it may not be a comfortable one. You can choose to stay in the pattern, recognizing what’s happening. Or you can choose to make a change.

You make a change by learning to value yourself, by speaking up for yourself, by setting boundaries. Hopefully, the other person doesn’t realize what has been going on, is not doing it intentionally and, once the pattern is pointed out to them, is willing to change it. Or, what often happens is that you simply take responsibility for yourself, you change your energy and the other person changes along with you. But be aware that you cannot change somebody else – to create change, you have to focus on changing yourself – and they either respond positively to that or not.

You have to be prepared for the fact that the other person may not be able to come along with you though, and you may have to distance yourself from them in order to truly be able to be yourself and do what you want to do with your life. The choice is yours and it’s not always an easy choice. As with everything, awareness is key. You must know that it’s not right for anyone to ever hold themselves back and make themselves small because they’re afraid of upsetting someone else. You do have a choice and this leads you to step 1 – acknowledgement that you have allowed someone else to control you.

Interestingly enough, one of the things that can really help you in changing this pattern is your house. Since your house is a reflection of you and what’s going on in your life, if you change the energy there and assert yourself, your energy, and your presence more in the house, it can help you with the changes you need to make on a personal level.

There is so much more I could say on this subject, I could probably write a whole book or at least a report. But my intention with this article is to bring this to your awareness, because it’s an issue for more people (particularly women) than you may realize.

Tags: energetic edge, Feng Shui, Life Balance, Life energy

How do you value yourself? You may feel that you value yourself highly, and hopefully you do. But there are many things we do, say and think that tell a different story. These can be subtle clues that show how highly you really value yourself. See if you can identify with any of them:

Putting everyone else’s needs before your own – at first, this can seem like a very noble thing to do. But it really isn’t when you do it at your own expense. An example of this might be – when you’re invited out to lunch or dinner and asked where you’d like to go, you always find yourself saying “I don’t mind.” You think you don’t  mind, but when you end up at a Chinese restaurant and you find yourself wishing you were somewhere else instead – then you are really ignoring your needs and desires and you end up becoming resentful, or at the very least not enjoying yourself.

Holding yourself back – when you find yourself holding back, for example not saying or doing something or being your true self because somebody else won’t like it. When you find yourself giving in just to keep the peace or being afraid to express your true needs and desires then you are not valuing yourself very highly.

Not taking time for yourself – do you work very hard and find yourself thinking that if you had the time you’d do things you really loved, such as reading a book, exercising, gardening, cooking, meditating, etc? But you never have time to do any of those things because you’re working hard to make enough money so then you’ll have time to do those things. You have it the wrong way round. If you value yourself, then you’ll take time for yourself and make the time to take care of yourself NOW.

Living in an environment you don’t love – do you love your home? is it constantly cluttered? Does it need a lot of work that you never seem to have the time or money to do? Does it seem so overwhelming because there is no end in sight? If you truly value yourself you will make your environment a priority – because it is a reflection of you, and how you feel about yourself and what is going on in your life. Living surrounded by clutter is not valuing yourself. Holding on to things that you don’t need, use, want or love is not valuing yourself.

Using broken items or second best – do you have a favorite cup or mug for your tea or coffee? Are you eating off chipped or cracked plates? Do you have a beautiful dinner service that you use on the rare occasions that you have visitors, yet the plates and cups you use for yourself are very old and you don’t even like them? You deserve to use things that you love. Things that are beautiful are not just to be brought out for other people, you can (and should) use them too.

Frequently getting angry – anger comes when you are afraid. You are afraid of losing control, so you get angry. If you valued yourself you would not be afraid and you would not constantly get angry. Of course, we can all get angry occasionally, and when you do, ask yourself what you’re really afraid of. If you valued yourself and felt completely at peace with yourself you would not feel the need to be angry, because you would not feel afraid.

Criticizing yourself or others – if you find yourself being very critical, it’s a sign that you don’t value yourself very highly. This applies not only when you constantly criticize yourself, but when you frequently criticize others as well – because when you criticize another, you are really saying something about yourself.

Not setting boundaries – do other people take advantage of you? Do they abuse your time and good nature? Do you find yourself getting frustrated an/or resentful about the way others are treating you? The way others treat you is a reflection of the way you treat yourself. When you value and respect yourself, you’ll learn to set boundaries and others will respect you for it.

These are just some of the subtle things that can show you how much you really value yourself. Is it time to make some changes and learn to value yourself more? Changing these things is a very good way to start.

Tags: confidence, energetic edge, Life Balance, Life energy, self-esteem

Have you ever had someone in your life who drives you crazy every time you see or speak to them? Someone you would avoid if you could, but somehow they just keep being there? You might get upset with yourself because of the response they trigger in you, which could be something like anger, resentment, irritation, or frustration.

You probably also find that the more you wish that person wasn’t in your life, the more they are. Why are they in your life? It seems sometimes like their one and only purpose is just to annoy you!

I’ve had plenty of people like that in my life, and I never liked feeling the emotions they triggered in me. But I rarely have those experiences any more and when I do, I approach them in a completely different way.

What if that person was in your life to help you deal with beliefs and conditioning that were not supportive or healthy for you? Everything will change for you when you stop seeing them as the problem and start looking instead at yourself. Yes, I know this isn’t always easy, but I invite you to try the following approach.

Next time someone like that triggers you, just stop and ask yourself what you’re feeling. What emotion is that person triggering in you? Whatever it is that you come up with, the next step is to ask yourself where that applies to you. Where and how are you behaving in the same way as the other person?

Here’s an example – I used to know someone who was very aggressive and rude to other people. If we were in a restaurant, for example, she would be rude to the staff – nothing was ever right. She never told anyone they did a good job, she was always very critical. It made me cringe. She spoke to everyone in this way, including me sometimes. It was upsetting and it was hard to tolerate. I hated it because I would never treat anybody that way. I believe you should always treat people with respect, no matter what.

It took me such a long time to figure out why she was in my life. It seemed like the more I tried to distance myself from her, the more she was there. I couldn’t understand it – I knew I didn’t treat people that way, so how could she be reflecting back to me something I was doing?

Then I realized that she was in my life for two very good reasons. The first was that I needed to learn to stand up for myself. To not let her bully me. That was difficult for me at first, but once I started saying no to her and setting boundaries with her, it became much easier. And she accepted it. I think she respected anyone who stood up to her, because so few people did.

The other thing I realized is that she was reflecting back to me something I was doing. I may not have been rude, critical and judgmental to other people, but I was to myself. When I examined that, I realized I really didn’t have a kind word to say to myself – so in that way, I was just like her.

Of course, I didn’t like what I found out, because I really didn’t want to think I was anything like her. But once I understood it, then I was able to accept why she was in my life. Then I was actually able to appreciate her for the gift of this understanding. Without her I would not have had this awareness. I would not have learned to set boundaries with very assertive people and I would not have learned to treat myself the same way I treat others – with kindness and respect.

So if someone in your life is triggering you – what are the insecurities, beliefs and behaviors that they are here to help you uncover? Once you get that, then you’ll probably find that they move out of your life because you really don’t need them any more. That’s exactly what happened to me, and it’s what I see over and over again.

Instead of getting upset and allowing them to trigger you, just stop and ask yourself what that person is here to teach you. And then be grateful to them for it.

Tags: conflict, energetic edge, Life Balance, Life energy

What are you putting up with in your life or business that you really don’t care for? What do you wish could be different? Everyone has some situation they would like to change or improve – and all situations can be changed. The question is, how open are you to new possibilities? The possibilities are there, if you are open to them.

I know, not only because of the work I do with my clients, but because of what has changed in my own life, and I’ve shared some personal examples below. So what would you like to change? Here are some common areas where people are looking for new possibilities. Perhaps one of them (or more) applies to you:

Attracting a loving relationship or improving an existing one – sometimes you might lock yourself into a box with your expectations for a relationship. If you’re looking for a new relationship you may (and should) have clear ideas of the type of person you’re looking for, what qualities they have and where you might find them. However, what if you’re actually restricting yourself in some way? If you’re in an existing relationship that you would like to be better you may be so locked into thinking that your partner should change his/her behavior that you completely overlook what you might be able to change about yourself that would result in a positive change with your partner.

I was married at 18 and divorced at 25. At that time I really didn’t feel as though I would ever have a close, loving relationship because I didn’t feel anyone would really love me. But my relationship now is better than I ever thought it could be – because I was open to new possibilities and was willing to change myself, my beliefs and expectations.

Having a more successful and enjoyable business or career – what are the possibilities for your business or career that you might be overlooking? Perhaps there are opportunities you hadn’t thought about. Maybe you might want to move in a slightly different direction but are so busy just getting by that you haven’t stopped to think about it. Are you so busy working that you have little time for anything else? What iv you could design your life first, then design your career or business to support what you want to do in your life? Most people don’t think that way, but what are the possibilities?

I always worked very hard and I had no idea that I could design my business to give me the life that I wanted – but having opened myself up to that opportunity, that’s exactly what’s happened.

Improving finances – you may not have the amount of income you would like right now, or you may even be struggling with paying the bills or paying off debt. What opportunities and possibilities might be out there for you to improrve your financial situation easily that you have never heard of or thought of?

I was always very afraid of being in debt. Of course, you attract what you focus on, so my fear of debt has attracted debt to me a few times in my life. Each time I ‘got rid’ of the debt, somehow it would accumulate again. It was only when I opened myself up to new possibilities that I found resolution. I started to see debt in a different way, rather than something to be afraid of, I started to see it as being in my life for a reason and understanding that once I didn’t need it any more it wouldn’t need to be in my life. I looked for the possibilities and the solution found me.

Improving health – perhaps you have ongoing health issues. You might ‘fix’ one thing, only to find that something else becomes a problem. What are you symptoms here to tell you? What messages from your body might you be ignoring? If you open yourself up to the possibility that your health challenges are telling you something and you’re willing to hear what they’re telling you and take action, then you won’t need them any more.

There are so many possibilities for your life, if you just open yourself up to them. That’s why we’re going on the Oceans of Possibility Cruise in February, 2012 – to help you find new possibilities for yourself and your life. I hope you’ll join us.

Tags: energetic edge, Life Balance, Life energy, possibilities