There are many times when the most helpful thing you can do to move forward is to discover what you need to let go of. This could be a number of things. Here are some examples, along with some ideas to help you release them:

Beliefs and Programming – we all have old beliefs and programming that does not serve us. This is the programming that says things like – life is difficult; I don’t deserve or I’m not worthy of …; I’m not good enough; you have to work really hard for money, and so on. To be able to release these beliefs and this programming, you first need to identify what beliefs you have and whether they are in alignment with what you’re trying to accomplish.

A great way of identifying unhelpful beliefs is to pay very close attention to your thoughts and emotions. If, for example, you want to achieve financial freedom and that is what you are moving towards, you may find yourself constantly worrying about not having enough money, or going into a panic when a new bill arrives. You may find yourself feeling constant anxiety or fear when you think about money or any financial issues. These are clues that your beliefs around money are holding you back. Every time you find yourself worrying or feeling fear or anxiety stop and put your attention on it. Breathe into it and notice where you feel it in your body. Write about it to find what’s really behind the thought or feeling. Ask yourself what’s the lesson in this situation. These are all techniques that can help you identify and release the belief.

People and situations that are no longer in alignment – you may want to be more confident, to feel better about yourself, to feel more joy in your life and to finally live your purpose, and yet you may have people and situations in your life that do not support that. If you have people who tell you that you’re not good enough, or that your dreams and goals are a waste of time, or who constantly make you feel inferior you need to release them or spend as little time around them as possible. It’s the same with situations. For example, you may continue to take on tasks, or be involved in projects that don’t feel good or even stay in a job that you don’t enjoy. If you stay around people and in situations that are no longer right for you, then you’ll hold yourself back and feel stuck.

Often we are reluctant to let people or even situations go from our lives because if we do we’ll feel bad or simply because we’ve known them or been involved with them for a long time. If you’re not happy in a relationship, then it’s not helping you or the other person for you to continue with it. It’s the same with a job or life situation. If it feels heavy, and no longer a fit for you, then you are serving no one, least of all yourself, by staying with it. If you stay then you are living a lie and this really will keep you stuck.

Resentments and grudges – it can be very helpful to take an inventory of everyone who has ever said or done harmful things to you or who has hurt you in any way. Have you been able to forgive them? Often, even when you think you’ve done the work and forgiven them, the energy of what they did to you remains. The way to tell is to think about the person and what they did/said that hurt you. How do you feel when you think about this? Do you feel neutral or do you feel good about the person? Or do you feel tightness somewhere in your body or does just thinking about them simply make you feel uncomfortable? If you feel any discomfort, then there is still work to do.

One of the best ways I have found to release someone so that they or what they did to you no longer has any affect on you is to write them a letter. You’re not going to send the letter, but write it as if you were. In the letter write exactly how you feel about what they did and how it affected you then and how you feel about it now. Don’t hold back, write everything you feel. Then tell them in the letter that you are ready to let the energy of this go – not for them, but for you. Once you’ve finished, destroy the letter. You can either tear it up or burn it, whatever feels right. Later, check in with yourself again by thinking about the person. If you still feel some discomfort, you may have more to write.

If you’re feeling stuck ask yourself what you may need to release in order to move forward. You’ll be amazed at how quickly things can shift once you identify and release whatever you need to in this moment. Think of it this way – if you want to swim across to the other end of the pool, you can’t do it if you’re still holding onto the side.

Happy releasing!

Those around you may make you feel that you’re being selfish and so you may go right back to your old people-pleasing self, because you think they must be right. They’re not.

For those of us who grew up being people-pleasers it can be extremely difficult first of all to know what being true to yourself means. Because when you live your life trying to please others you have lost all sense of whom you really are and what you really want in life. Once you start to realize that you don’t have to live your life trying to please others and you start to identify what you really want in life, and what you are really passionate about, it can feel quite uncomfortable at first.

It feels uncomfortable because you’ll start to feel guilty, and others around you – those who benefit from you knocking yourself out trying to please them – will increase those feelings of guilt. But this is where you will find out who your true supporters are, because they are the people who will encourage you, not put you down. And these are the people you need to spend more time with.

I’m working with someone right now who finds it extremely difficult to do anything for herself. She does everything for everyone else and always puts herself last on the list. She works hard to the point of exhaustion and yet she’s not accomplishing the things that she wants to accomplish in her business or life. The idea of doing things that she wants to do, that make her feel good, is very difficult for her. She feels incredibly guilty if she’s not working hard or doing things for other people. Yet this is clearly not the recipe for success – if it were, she would have succeeded by now.

Does this sound familiar? The truth is, when you deny who you really are and what you really want you will struggle. When you put everyone else first and yourself last, you will struggle. When you think that your needs and desires are not as important as everyone else’s and when you let others direct your life, you will struggle. And yet that may still be what you choose to do – many people do. And that’s okay, as long as you’re aware of it.

It can definitely be difficult to change, because you may feel guilty and you may feel selfish. And you won’t do it until things have become so unbearable that you are ready to do anything to change how you feel.

The way to start is with self-awareness. Start paying attention to what feels good for you and what doesn’t. What do you enjoy doing, what do you not like doing? Be aware of the people you interact with – those who energize you and those who drain you. Pay attention to those people who support and encourage you and those who criticize you. Start doing at least one small thing for yourself every day. If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable when you do this, write about it to see what comes up for you. Don’t stifle what you feel, embrace it and explore it – this is how you come to truly know yourself and when you do, then you can start to live your life differently, by being true to yourself – and that is what you’re truly here to do.

I have found that when you understand yourself and what works well for you, and what doesn’t and you use your energy in the right way for YOU, not only do you feel more energized, you accomplish more. It becomes more effortless and you enjoy life more. So rather than continuing to struggle and force the issue, just go with your own natural energy flows and let life be easier (and more enjoyable).

Here are a few ways to tap in to your natural energy flow:

When is your energy highest and lowest?
Are you a morning person or a late night person? Understanding when your energy is highest and when it’s low and working with it rather than against makes life so much easier. Use your natural energy rhythms wisely making the most of your times of high energy. So, for example, if your energy is highest in the morning, that should be the time when you do tasks that require the most energy or mental focus. If your energy is lower in the afternoon, perhaps that’s when you make calls or do administrative tasks.

If you experience a real energy dip at a certain time of the day, see if you can schedule your day so that you do something to relax and renew at that time. For example, I know that my energy is good starting at around 8am, through until about noon. During that time I can schedule meetings, use the time to write or do creative tasks. Around 1pm or 2pm my energy dips considerably. I will usually take time to meditate during that part of the day. After that, I’m usually ready to make calls, do tele-seminars, etc., afternoons and evenings are a good time for me to connect with people.

You may, like me, wake up early but need time for your energy to gradually build – in which case early morning meetings are not for you. When you go with the natural flows of your energy and use them in this way life is so much easier and less stressful. Stop forcing yourself to do things when you don’t have the energy for them. It’s too stressful.

What are your gifts, skills, talents?
Knowing what you’re good at and focusing on those things energizes you. When you try to do things that are not your natural strengths, you won’t enjoy them, you’ll struggle and drain your energy very quickly. For example, if you have your own business and you hate doing the books – hire a bookkeeper. Don’t try to do it yourself in an attempt to save money – the time and energy you waste will not be worth it. Get help with those things that are not your natural gifts, skills and talents rather than forcing yourself to do them.

What are you passionate about?
Often this is something that people have lost touch with. You must identify what you’re passionate about in life, what really excites you and do it. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to work in a business, job or field that you’re passionate about. But even if you are not able to do that, you can still incorporate your passion outside of your working life. Perhaps your passion is music, but you don’t feel you can make a living as a musician – well then your ‘day job’ may be a means of funding your passion for music, so that you do it outside of work.

How do you take care of yourself?
You have to take care of yourself: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. That means doing things that are good for you, things that you enjoy. That can include everything from making sure you eat the right foods, and that you’re active, to taking time to relax and pamper yourself. Do things for fun, make time for friends and social activities. For example, even if you love working on the computer, you don’t want to do that all the time, you need to do other things.

Do you pay attention to your body and what it’s telling you?
Your body is giving you messages and signals all the time. Do you pay attention to it or do you ignore the messages? If you get frequent headaches, it’s a sign that something is wrong. Just taking painkillers and carrying on with your day will not get rid of the problem. It will simply push it away until it manifests in a different way. If you feel uncomfortable about something or anxious, your body is telling you something. If you stop and tune into the feeling, you can understand what it is telling you – perhaps that you need to avoid a certain person or situaiton or that you need to work on some limiting beliefs or fears that are holding you back.

How is your environment affecting you?
This is something that is often ignored, but your environment has a major impact on you and how you feel – even on how successful you are. How do you feel when you walk into your office? Does it inspire you? Do you feel creative, successful and focused in your office? Does it look and feel like the office of someone who is successful and does it represent what you do? Or is it cluttered and overwhelming, not representing who you are and what you do well at all?

The same applies to your home. If that feels cluttered and overwhelming or you are surrounded by things that you don’t love or that don’t represent who you are. It will drain your energy and, more than that, will energetically stop you from moving forward. Pay attention to your environment, making sure the energy there feels good and represents you.

It’s so easy to get caught up in what needs to be done or what you should be doing, that you often push past the fact that you’re tired or that what you’re doing doesn’t feel so good. Then you wonder why you feel stressed, why you don’t have the energy that you used to have or why things aren’t going the way you’d like them to. I have learned that when you pay attention to your energy and go with your natural energy flow, rather than against it, things just start to fall into place naturally – and you feel much better. Why would you want to do it any other way?