It is important that you love your bedroom and everything in it and that it is kept clutter free. There are many other aspects of your bedroom that you may not have considered but they are very important, so I’d like to cover a few of them here.

Books in the bedroom – many people like to read before they go to sleep. I certainly do. But it’s also a good idea to really consider what types of books you’re reading before you go to bed. Each book has different energy attached to it, such as the subject matter and even the energy of the author. I’ve said before that everything is alive with energy, and that includes books.

Be careful about reading books that are about violence, tragedies or have sad endings. They can affect your sleep or even, on a deep sub-conscious level, begin to affect your health or your relationships.

It’s not a good idea to keep too many books in the bedroom. Just have the one that you’re currently reading, or one that you like to refer to. A bookcase full of books in the bedroom brings too much energy to a space that needs to be calm.

Don’t treat it as an office or exercise room – the energy of the bedroom is about sleep and it’s about relationships – your romantic relationship, as well as your relationship with yourself. It is your most personal space and the energy should be very calm and it should represent your relationship (or the one you’d like to have). When you bring in the energy of work and/or exercise you are bringing in energy that is very active, which will interfere with your sleep, your health,, your relationship and your life generally. It can very quickly create a sense of overwhelm.

There is also a lot of stress that can be associated both with work and with exercise. With work, you may feel as though you can never ’switch off.’ You always have work on your mind – of course you will if you don’t have a personal space where you can detach from it. You are bringing in your work energy – the energy of your day at work – into your bedroom. This is a recipe for even higher levels of stress.

As far as exercise is concerned, again, this is very active and not the right energy for a bedroom. It is often something that you feel you ‘have’ to do, rather than want to do (pressure). It may even be something that you feel you ’should’ be doing but are not, in which case you are being surrounded with the energy of guilt and even failure.

Don’t overdo the furniture – you’ll want to have plenty of space around the bed and to make sure that you don’t have too much furniture in the room. Allow the energy in the room to circulate freely (including underneath the bed). Allow the room to breathe. If you like big, heavy, dark furniture, make sure the room is an appropriate size to accommodate it. You don’t want the room to feel crowded or overwhelmed with furniture. Overall, you don’t want your bedroom to be too dark (except at night when you turn the lights off).

Generally speaking, lighter woods and other natural materials are best for beds and bedroom furniture. Avoid metal beds because they can conduct electro-magnetic fields.

Think about where the furniture came from as well. If it was given to you by somebody else, or is left over from a previous relationship, think about the energy that it is carrying related to that person and your relationship with them. Is that energy positive and supportive? If not, you’ll want to consider replacing it when you can.

These are just a few simple tips that can help you turn your bedroom into a personal sanctuary that supports you in all ways.

Occasionally though, I’ll have a free evening when I’m not working or reading or playing tennis, and I really don’t want to do much of anything. When that happens I might just switch on the television and look through the channels to see what’s on. I just happened to do this last night and ended up watching one of the reality shows for a while (The Biggest Loser – the weight loss show). I have to say that watching it left me feeling somewhat sad and a little confused.

It seems that each of these shows has something in common, and that is to create drama, conflict, and stress among the contestants. It becomes a game of manipulation or trying to make the contestants feel badly about themselves. That makes me sad and the confusion comes because I know they do it because that’s what people want to watch.

But is it really? Are we really that addicted to drama, conflict and stress that we need to watch it on television? I’ve heard people say that because they have so much stress in their own lives they enjoy seeing that it happens to other people too. Really?

Now, call me naive and tell me that this would never work – but what if, (and I’ll take The Biggest Loser as an example, since that’s the one I saw) instead of voting people off the show and manipulating each other to stay on the show, the focus was actually more on losing the weight and helping and supporting each other to lose the weight and feel better about themselves? We all know that it’s not just about losing weight, there are a lot of emotional issues that go along with that. What if the contestants had a vote at the end of the week to choose the person who had been the most supportive and encouraging to others, rather than voting for who should leave? What if they focused more on the person who had achieved the most in terms of weight loss instead of penalizing the person who had lost the least?

What if the shows focused on what’s good about people instead of their perceived weaknesses? Wouldn’t they all win? Of course it’s nice to win, but how fulfilling is it to win at the expense of others, and knowing that you won by manipulation?

It seems to me that these shows start off with a good idea but that it gets lost in all the drama because the creators feel that negative drama is what’s going to draw the most people to watch it. The show Survivor actually has little to do with who has the best survival skills, but who is the most manipulative, it seems – and then that’s rewarded.

Even on the shows where the viewers vote people off, they seem to drag it out so much to make it as painful as possible for everyone wondering if they will be the one to go this week. With the shows that have judges, do they really have to be so brutal? Rather than telling people how horrible they were or making fun of them, why don’t they advise them on what they could do better?

Eckhart Tolle says that programs like these are created “by pain bodies for pain bodies” and I can see that is true. So that when you watch them you are feeding the pain body within yourself, which ultimately creates more stress and pain in your own life.

I’m sure that as long as the ratings are high these shows will cotntinue to be this way. And if the ratings start to dip then they’ll just find ways to add more drama and conflict to bring people back. That’s what’s sad to me.

So if you hear of a show that’s positive rather than negative. That focuses on people’s gifts rather than making fun of their weaknesses and that rewards selflessness rather than manipulation, let me know – that’s a show that I would like to watch.

Feel free to comment, and consider joining our membership site where you will receive positive support, encouragement and motivation – at www.HarmonyInandOut.com.

Every house has something to tell us – what do you think this one is saying?

So often people tell me things like: “ever since we moved into this house we’ve had marriage problems”, or “since we moved into this house everything seems to have gone wrong.” Whether it’s relationship issues, health problems, job losses – whatever the problem, your home has a definite role to play in what’s going on.

The same issues can occur with each person who moves into a house. Have you ever heard about a house where people say “everyone who lives in that house seems to end up getting divorced” or “everyone who’s lived in that house seems to have financial problems?” Well, it’s not coincidence.

Even before I knew about Feng Shui, when choosing a house I would always know immediately when I walked into the right one. Many people have the same experience. You look at lots of houses, most of them have the features that you’re looking for, but they just don’t feel right. And then you walk into one and you just know it’s the right one.

I believe we choose the homes we live in based on what we need to work on in our life. Before I studied Feng Shui, i didn’t know that, but when I look back at the various homes I’ve lived in, I can see it so clearly. When my husband and I chose the house we’re in now, I have to say I hesitated. When we walked into this house we both knew this was the right one. We felt it. Yet it had some definite Feng shui challenges that I wasn’t sure i wanted to deal with. I knew that if we chose this house that our relationship would be challenged – it has been. I knew that it might be difficult to find the help, support, and resources that we needed – sometimes it has been. I knew that we would be challenged in different ways – and we have been. I also knew that I had the tools and the knowledge to be able to work through these challenges and apply Feng Shui to the ‘problem areas’ in ways that would help us, if I was up to the challenge.  I was and these Feng Shui solutions have definitely helped us.

Challenges come into your life to help you grow. If you weren’t ready to deal with those challenges, I don’t think they would show up yet. Whatever you’re going through in your life, your home is playing a big part in it.

You see, your home is so closely connected to you, so much a part of you, that it is a direct reflection of everything that’s going on in your life. It’s an outer reflection of your inner world. The good news is that this means you can work with your home to change any aspect of your life that’s not working in the way that you’d like it to. The key to doing this is awareness. You need to be aware of just how your home is affecting you and how you can make sure it’s affecting you in a positive way.

Let me share an example with you. Several years ago, I did a consultation for a couple who were going through such a difficult time that they were on the brink of divorce. The wife called me for the consultation as a last ditch attempt to do something to save the marriage. She didn’t really believe that it would work, but somebody had told her about Feng Shui, so she thought she might as well give it a try.

They lived in a very nice home. It was beautifully decorated and furnished and they liked the house. In Feng Shui, we assess the home in terms of energy. Each aspect of your life is represented in your home, so we look at the various areas (health, finances, relationships and so on) to see what is happening energetically in each of these areas that could be impacting you in your life. In this particular case, it was interesting to note that all of the areas in the home that related to their relationship had energy problems. None of the other areas had issues, just the relationship areas. Each of the areas in their home that related to their relationship had either very draining energy or stuck energy. It was very interesting and the first time I had ever seen so much that was wrong in one life area.

It was as if the house was shouting out to everyone that their relationship needed some particular care and attention. Not surprisingly, when I asked about the previous occupants of the house, I was told that they had sold the house because they got divorced. Definitely not a coincidence.

Fortunately, the couple agreed to follow through with the recommendations I made to correct the energy problems. They weren’t sure if it would help, but what I had explained to them seemed to make sense and they wanted to give it a try.

I’m happy to report that they are still together several years later, although they sold the house and moved into a different one. With their new Feng Shui knowledge they chose a house with strong relationship areas this time.

I believe the lesson here is not to underestimate the impact your house is having on your life. Treat it with love and respect. Your home represents you. Love your home, keep the energy moving and flowing and ifyou’re having life challenges – look to see how your home may be contributing to them.

Here are some very basic things that you can do that will help:

• Clear the clutter – any areas of clutter stop the movement of energy, creating stagnation – this will negatively affect some aspect of your life. Just think about where in your life you feel stuck and you’ll know that the clutter is affecting that.
• Let go of anything that you don’t need, use or love or that has negative memories and associations. It will hold you back and keep you stuck.
• Surround yourself with things that you do love, things that nourish and support you and make you feel good.
• Keep your home clean and in good repair.
• Your bedroom should feel like your sanctuary, your favorite room in the house. It should be peaceful, calm and relaxing.

What do you do if the area that represents your relationship is in the garage? Simply find something to put there that represents love – such as this hanging mobile of red hearts.

If you want to learn more about your home, the different areas and how they affect you and, how to correct problem areas, become a member at www.harmonyinandout.com. Join us on tele-seminars and you’ll learn the specifics of how to make your home work for you, rather than against you.

We welcome your comments – do you have a story to share about your home? We’d love to hear it.

That’s Brenda holding up a copy of my book. You can listen to the show here: http://www.myspace.com/pieceofmindd

Brenda has some great tips for helping you stay balanced – visit her website and check out her ‘toolbox’ at www.brendaharper.net.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I have to wonder just how real it all is anyway. Does it really mean that my husband loves me more because he buys me a card and flowers for Valentine’s Day? I don’t think so. In fact, I’d rather he bring me a cup of tea in bed every morning just because he wants to (which he does). That says more to me than giving me a card and flowers because somebody, somewhere decided that February 14th was the day to do so.

I remember years ago when I worked in an office how, when Valentine’s Day rolled around it was almost like a competition between the female employees to see whose husband/partner loved them the most. Apparently, the husband/partner who went to the trouble of having flowers delivered to the office won more points than the one who simply purchased flowers and took them home. The more expensive the flowers, the more points they got – and if there was jewlry involved, well, then obviously that meant this particular person’s husband/partner loved them more than anything.

So if you don’t have a partner, take heart. It doesn’t mean that just because you have a partner everything in your relationship is wonderful. Does what I’ve described above seem even just a little bit fake to you? That’s because it is. So when everyone around you is talking about what their valentine got or did for them on their special day, don’t assume that everything in their life and relationship is wonderful and that you must be a failure because you have no-one to share the day with.

The true value of a relationship is what happens on every other day, not just Valentine’s day. Now, for those of you who don’t have a partner, if you are feeling particularly left out, here’s what I want you to do – something extremely special and loving for YOURSELF. But don’t just do it on February 14th, do it any day you choose – and do it regularly. Here are some suggestions:

• Buy yourself some flowers
• Go to see a movie, either by yourself or with a friend
• Pamper yourself at a spa
• Get a massage or get your nails or hair done
• Make yourself an excellent gourmet dinner, set the table and light the candles – just for yourself
• Give yourself a day off and read all day
• Give yourself a day off and do anything fun
• Get together with a friend and just spend the day talking and hanging out
• Make yourself a picnic and take it to the park
• Anything else fabulous that you can think of

The point is if you are in a relationship what happens on February 14th really doesn’t determine how great your relationship is or how much someone loves you. If you don’t have a relationship, February 14th should not make you feel unhappy at all. The person we should show the most love to, but we usually don’t, is ourselves. If you don’t love yourself, how can anyone else truly love you?

Ultimately, the message is this – don’t wait for someone else to treat you how you want to be treated. Do it for yourself, because you deserve it – whether you have an existing relationship or not.

Now – what I’d love to hear from you is what you do to show love and appreciation for yourself - not just on February 14th, but every day.

With that in mind, yesterday I interviewed Christina Rowe, author of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce: What Every Woman Needs to Know. So if you, or someone you know is affected by divorce, there are some key things you need to be aware of.

The recording of the interview will be available for my members through the web site (www.harmonyinandout.com) but here is a brief summary of some of the key points that Christina shared:

• As difficult as it will be, you must keep emotion out of it. Find ways to handle the emotion (join a support group, talk to friends) but it’s important when dealing with the details of the divorce itself, to keep to the facts – particularly when dealing with attorneys, your ex-spouse or if you have to go to court.
• Make copies of all relevant paperwork. Make sure you know everything about your finances – bank accounts, investments, insurance and so on.

 

• Find out what the laws are in your State. Research on-line, talk to others who have gone through a divorce. Make sure you are informed.

 

• First try mediation. If your spouse is willing, mediation is the least costly, least painful way to go. Do research to find a good mediator in your area. Local attorneys may also be able to recommend a mediator.

 

• If you have to use an attorney, try to get a recommendation from someone else. Call around, speak to at least three.  Ask questions like:

                           – How many of your cases go to court?
                           – How quickly are most cases resolved?
                           – What’s your success rate?

• Trust your instincts. Find an attorney you resonate with.

 

• Go for harmonious resolution, rather than revenge and try8ing to get everything you can. You want to move on with your life, not get locked into a never-ending battle.

These are just some of the great suggestions that Christina shared. She has many more in her book.

Most of all, if you are faced with a divorce, of course it feels horrible. But when you look back you will find that it probably was the best thing that could have happened. Your life will move on and you’ll find yourself doing things and meeting people you never would have experienced if you had stayed in that relationship. If it has come to divorce, then it’s what’s best for both of you. Trying to hang on to a dysfunctional relationship will not serve you.

I’d love to hear from you. Share your thoughts, comments and experiences. Members – share your experiences on the forum. If you’ve been through a divorce, it’s a great place to share tips that may help someone else.

Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce